Parenting
I’ve Acquired Resting Grumpy Face in My Later Years
by Alex T. Rivers
Updated: Aug. 20, 2015
Originally Published: June 3, 2015
As the years go by, I’ve noticed the subtle changes in my appearance. It’s not that I’m ancient, but age is beginning to make its presence felt on my face. The moment I realized it? When people began to express genuine concern for my mood. Just yesterday, I had a couple of amusing exchanges:
A coworker (interrupting my daydream about my ultimate celebrity crush): “Good morning!”
Me (with a dreamy sigh): “Morning.”
Coworker: “Are you okay?”
Me: “Yes. Why?” (Is she somehow aware of my thoughts? Is my face betraying me? Am I flushed? Yikes.)
Coworker: “You look tired.”
Me: “Oh, really? Not exactly. Maybe just a tad. (If ‘tired’ means I’m daydreaming about the one person my partner says I can fantasize about without it being infidelity, then yes, I’m exhausted.)”
Coworker (still skeptical): “Just let me know if you need anything.”
Later on, during lunch…
Me (entering the break room): “Hey everyone!”
I gaze at my feast—a heavenly leftover Chinese meal with delicious pork bits mixed in the rice and beef skewers. I’m practically drooling.
Coworker: “Hey.”
Me: (a grunt—no words, just culinary bliss. I’d marry this food if I could. I’d write it a love note saying, ‘Do you love me? Yes or no?’)
Coworker: “Are you okay?”
Me: “Absolutely! This food is incredible.”
Coworker: “Really? You seem upset.”
Me: “What? No! I’m about to have a foodgasm!”
Coworker: “Foodgasm? Did you just invent that? What are you eating? I want in!”
Later that evening, I sank into the couch, binge-watching a show, contemplating life choices. No, I’m still fond of men. But maybe I could use a partner to handle chores and prepare my meals? Wait, I should be watching that other series.
Husband (interrupting my thoughts): “Hey, we need to chat.”
Me: “What? (Oh no, he knows! He must have figured out I admire certain physical features. But that’s not it, right? I’m sure I paid all the bills. We were intimate just a couple of days ago; that’s not the issue. What did I forget?)”
Husband (raising an eyebrow): “Is there something we need to discuss?”
Me: “I don’t think so. Why?”
Husband: “You look angry with me. Are you?”
Me: “Absolutely not!” (What could possibly give him that impression?)
Husband: “It’s your face. You look upset.”
Me: “My face?”
Husband: “Yeah, you’ve got the ‘furrow’ going on.”
Me: “The furrow? That can’t be true! I’ve been using that fancy facial scrubber I bought at a party that promised to erase wrinkles. I thought it was just a drink-and-snack event, but it turned out to be a beauty sales pitch. I couldn’t resist buying that brush. Did it not work?”
Husband: “Wow. Have you been drinking? No, seriously, the furrow is showing. And your lips look a bit… tense. But hey, I think you’re stunning. Just a few wrinkles. Come here, beautiful.”
Me (slowly): “Stunning and wrinkled? What do you mean?”
Husband: “I think I’m going to bed now.”
Me: “Sure, you do that.”
I needed a moment to reflect. How could my dream face, my food ecstasy face, and my binge-watching face all evoke concern? It struck me then: I’ve developed the notorious Resting Grumpy Face.
Yep, RGF. An unintentional, permanent frown instead of a neutral expression. Fabulous. My few wrinkles and slight far-sightedness might give others the impression I’m ready to unleash my fury.
RGF. Great. I’m heading towards a look that resembles an annoyed elder. But perhaps I can turn this to my advantage? First, I’ll be daydreaming about my celebrity crush (it’s Ryan Gosling, in case you’re curious). I might even throw in some harmless fantasies about my second choice (Chris Hemsworth). Clearly, my face won’t give away my secret musings.
Second, I plan to use this look to assert parental authority. “Hey kiddo, think you can ignore my request to tidy up? Let me show you my furrow. What do you think now?” Ha! I thought so.
Lastly, I’m getting a refund on that ineffective facial brush. Who needs it when my husband still thinks I’m radiant?
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Summary:
In this humorous reflection on aging, the author shares her experiences with the unintended manifestation of Resting Grumpy Face, leading to misunderstandings about her emotional state. Through amusing workplace encounters and candid moments with her husband, she explores the implications of her changing appearance and decides to embrace her newfound facial expression while using it to her advantage.