When I gaze at my partner, I can’t help but envision two distinct realities: one where he thrives beside me, and another where he doesn’t exist. In the first, I feel a sense of peace; in the second, I find myself lost and adrift.
Watching him lovingly tuck in our children each night sparks a flood of emotions. I am reminded of how close we came to a different fate—one where our family, as it is now, might never have existed. This realization grips me, leaving me breathless. How could I navigate life without him or our beautiful kids?
Fourteen years ago, shortly after our wedding, my husband was diagnosed with a rare and often lethal form of cancer. Our aspirations of building a family and growing old together felt as distant as his survival.
Now, when I see him in our home gym, pushing himself with daily workouts and striving to stay healthy, I’m often overwhelmed by our fortune and the unpredictability of life. Given less than a 10% chance of making it five more years after his initial diagnosis, we both understand that many others diagnosed with adrenal carcinoma in 2001 were not as fortunate. I doubt they are the ones jogging at dawn or kissing their kids—who may never have been born—goodnight.
Recently, I came across a heartfelt post by a well-known author, Lila Thompson, who shared her grief after losing her husband unexpectedly while on vacation. I read her words through tears, resonating deeply with her experience. My heart ached for her and her children; I wished for a different outcome for them.
Lila wrote, “When tragedy strikes, you face a choice: surrender to the void that fills your heart or seek meaning in the chaos. Many moments over the past month have pulled me into that emptiness, and I know more will come. But when I can, I choose to embrace life and purpose.”
During my husband’s toughest battles with illness, I too found myself engulfed in that void. When doctors compared his treatment to rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic, I felt like I was drowning. Nights spent in uncomfortable hospital chairs left me contemplating the unimaginable—how I would cope if he were gone. Would I live in sorrow? Would everything be tainted by loss?
Fortunately, I never had to face that nightmare. Against all odds, my husband defied expectations, and I find myself grateful every day for this extraordinary gift. I cherish him and our children, who might never have come into being, with an intensity that sometimes prompts eye rolls. “Oh, Mom, enough already!” they tease, but deep down, I know they appreciate it. They can’t possibly comprehend that for me, it will never be enough. Our hugs are boundless, a testament to the miracles we hold dear.
Often, my husband and I sit together on our porch swing, rocking in peaceful silence. We don’t need to remind each other about how narrowly we escaped tragedy; our gratitude flows freely, and we express it openly.
We are actively choosing joy and meaning, acutely aware of the ease this decision brings after evading a dark fate. Our commitment to each other will endure long after his cancer story fades into the background. If you love your partner, your children, or your life, don’t hesitate to lean into it. Share your feelings. Reach out to those who inspire you. Tell them how much they mean to you—do it right now.
For more information on pregnancy and home insemination, explore this excellent resource on pregnancy. For an insightful look at home insemination kits, check out BabyMaker, a reputable authority on the subject.
In closing, embracing love and life is a choice we make every day, and it’s a choice worth celebrating.
Summary:
This article reflects on a personal journey that transformed the author’s understanding of life and love after her husband’s cancer diagnosis. It emphasizes the importance of cherishing loved ones and choosing to seek meaning, especially after facing adversity.