I’ve been married for nearly 12 years. During this time, my husband and I have purchased a home, a car, adopted a pet rabbit, and welcomed three wonderful children into our lives. While we’ve experienced joyful moments as well as challenges, I find myself contemplating divorce now more than ever. The hardest part? Admitting it to myself and to others.
My husband is a good man—truly. He is well-regarded in our community, and people often commend him for his kindness and generosity. I hear things like, “You’re so lucky to have him” or “He’s a wonderful person.” While these compliments are true, they add to my hesitance in expressing my feelings about our marriage, especially since we don’t fight or face any major issues. The problem is, we’ve drifted apart as partners.
Since our youngest started school, I’ve struggled to find a job that fits our family’s needs, which has taken a toll on my self-worth. I often feel like my only value lies in being a mother. I can’t remember the last time my husband complimented me or expressed appreciation for who I am. It’s not that he doesn’t think those things; it just seems he no longer makes an effort. We haven’t been intimate in over a year. At 35, I don’t want to think about a future without physical affection.
I feel shallow admitting that intimacy is important, but it’s not just about sex. I long for connection—the random hugs, the unexpected kisses, the little moments of affection that remind me we’re partners. Instead, our relationship feels more like that of siblings, and I can’t imagine being married to my brother.
Financial pressures compound the issue. While I’m grateful that we can cover our bills and provide for our children, I want more for us. I wish I could afford music lessons or family vacations without worrying about finances. My husband encourages me to be content with what we have, and while I appreciate our blessings, I yearn for a richer life experience for myself and our kids.
I’ve repeatedly asked him to seek a higher-paying job, but he insists I need to find work too. The part-time job market is saturated, and my applications often go unanswered. I want to build a better life, not just for me, but for my children. I don’t want to be the “unhappy mom” who cannot provide some simple joys, like summer camp or a nice dinner out.
I can’t confide in friends about my feelings, fearing they’ll see me as selfish or heartless. Society often stigmatizes women who initiate divorce unless there’s a clear-cut reason like infidelity or abuse. It’s as if people think, “How could she leave such a perfect man?”
I hate feeling trapped in a life that no longer fulfills me. I want to embody the advice I give my daughter—“Stand up for yourself and walk away from negativity.” If only I could take my own words to heart.
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In summary, while I cherish the life I have built with my husband, I find myself yearning for more connection, fulfillment, and a sense of partnership. The fear of voicing these feelings holds me back, but I know I must confront the reality of my situation.