As I approached my milestone 40th birthday, I felt an exhilarating sense of anticipation, as though I were about to shed an old, worn-out cloak and emerge anew, enveloped in silk amidst a symphony of celestial voices. Forty seemed to be that pivotal moment, a chance to realign my life. I envisioned waking up on that special day infused with newfound powers: confidence, clarity, and purpose.
However, the reality was quite different. I woke up feeling much like always: slightly ambivalent, overwhelmed with the chaos of motherhood, and unsure about my future. Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months. Life remained stagnant, and I still grappled with understanding my path, my purpose. Then, unexpectedly, I found myself expecting my third child, which redirected any dreams I had about my 40s back to the challenges of early motherhood.
I realized I could not continue to navigate another decade merely as a caretaker. I needed to carve out my own definitions of confidence, clarity, and purpose rather than passively waiting for them to appear. Like many late bloomers, I’ve taken a few years to find my footing and come to terms with what resonates with me. Here are the insights I’ve gathered in my mid-40s:
Embrace the Journey, Don’t Rush the Healing.
Growing up, we were taught to “get over it, you’re fantastic, move forward.” While this approach works for minor setbacks, I’ve come to understand that true growth lies in acknowledging difficult experiences rather than burying them. It’s not about pretending they haven’t impacted me; it’s about experiencing those feelings and allowing them to shape me. Life is multidimensional, encompassing sadness, anger, joy, and everything in between.
Create Space for New Experiences.
This builds on the idea of processing rather than dismissing emotions. Once I navigate through a challenging experience, I strive to let go of the heavy emotions tied to it, making room for positivity and growth.
Other People’s Opinions are Not My Concern.
Many years ago, my friend, Sarah, shared a profound truth: “What others think of you is none of your business.” I understood her point but struggled to embody it as a lifelong people pleaser. While I still care about others’ opinions, I realize now that I can’t possibly please everyone. Instead of expending energy worrying about others’ judgments, I focus on being true to myself and loving those closest to me.
Courage is a Daily Practice.
In my 20s, bravery meant bold moves—like relocating or ending a relationship. By my 30s, it involved significant life choices like marriage and motherhood. Now, in my 40s, bravery manifests in smaller yet significant ways. It means writing regularly, having honest conversations with friends, saying “no” to my kids when it’s easier to say “yes,” and recognizing that even the minor victories matter.
Practice Self-Compassion.
I acknowledge that I will make mistakes, miss deadlines, and occasionally raise my voice with my children. I’m learning to be kinder to myself and not dwell on my shortcomings. It doesn’t serve anyone, especially my daughters, when I berate myself for minor errors. As long as everyone is safe and healthy, it’s okay to make mistakes.
Acceptance of Aging is Key.
I’m not “old” per se, but I’ve shed any illusions about my age. I’m not striving to feel or look like I did in my 20s or 30s. Those years were filled with fun but also insecurity. While I do worry about my appearance as I age, I recognize that my true value lies within, where my authentic self resides.
Stay Vigilant, Not Fearful.
Admittedly, the physical realities of aging can be intimidating. I’m grateful for my health, yet I find myself more conscious of lifestyle choices. It’s essential to care for my well-being without resorting to extreme measures. There’s no shame in prioritizing sleep or opting out of social drinking if it doesn’t serve me.
Receive Compliments Graciously.
I’m working on simply saying “thank you” when someone offers praise. I often feel the need to downplay my achievements or return the compliment immediately, which can come off as disingenuous. Accepting compliments allows me to appreciate them more fully and cherish the relationships that foster such kindness.
It’s Not About Having It All Figured Out—It’s About Understanding What Matters.
I’m not referring to looks or attractiveness; I’m speaking about grasping what truly counts: confidence, clarity, and intent. Slowing down has become a gift. Embracing the moment, acknowledging that I may not remember every detail, and finding peace in happiness, patience, and forgiveness—these are the real treasures I’m learning to nurture.
Better Late Than Never!
If you enjoyed these reflections, be sure to explore more insights at this resource that covers various aspects of parenthood and relationships.
In summary, navigating the journey of life, especially as a late bloomer, involves embracing our experiences, letting go of negative emotions, and focusing on what truly matters. Each stage of life presents its own challenges, but with patience and self-compassion, we can find meaning and joy.