You find yourself pacing the floor in frustration as your kids resist bedtime, yearning for just a bit of time to unwind. You juggle work, bills, and all the demands of parenting while someone else flits in and out of your children’s lives as if being a parent is merely a pastime to be indulged whenever convenient. It stings when your little ones seem on their best behavior for the other parent, and you hold your tongue, knowing someone has to take the role of the grown-up. You are the “there” parent.
This role may always feel a bit tougher and more exasperating, but that’s okay. The “there” parent might not be as thrilling as the “not there” parent. Your return home isn’t marked with excitement or anticipation; instead, you provide a steady presence in your kids’ lives. A “constant” is something that doesn’t waver, and there is a sense of security in that.
Your kids won’t feel the need to put on a show, fearing that their behavior could influence why the other parent is absent. Small acts of defiance are their way of showing they feel secure with you; they can simply be themselves. You are there for them.
Though being “there” may not seem exhilarating or special, this steady presence is a profound gift you offer your children. They will never have to question your commitment, allowing them to focus on being authentic around you. While their eyes might not sparkle with delight when you enter a room, it’s because your presence is a familiar comfort. The “not there” parent may be a dazzling spotlight, amplifying everything fun, but the “there” parent is like a gentle nightlight—quietly reassuring and essential.
Being “there” can be challenging; you might feel unappreciated, expected to always be on cue, and often doing it all alone. Yet, the rewards of this role are immeasurable—a truth the “not there” parent may never grasp.
To all the single, present parents out there—if you haven’t heard it lately, you’re doing an amazing job. You’re there.
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Summary:
Being the “there” parent may feel more challenging than being the “not there” parent, but it offers a sense of security and authenticity that is invaluable for children. While it can be tough and often goes unappreciated, the steady presence of a dedicated parent is a gift that nurtures genuine connections. So, to all the single parents persevering in their roles—you are doing a fantastic job.