As a mother of two strong-willed daughters, I often reflect on my own upbringing. Unlike my mother, who raised my brother and me alone, I have the support of a devoted partner. My husband is actively involved in our daughters’ lives, from belting out off-key songs during music class to planning exciting trips. However, my father, despite his love for us, lived far away after my parents separated, which meant he wasn’t a daily presence in our lives.
I fully acknowledge the challenges that come with single motherhood. I’m sure my mom faced her share of loneliness and exhaustion. Yet, I feel incredibly fortunate to have gained these three valuable lessons from my upbringing:
1. An Inspiring Female Figure
My mom juggled her undergraduate studies and law school while we were in elementary school, demonstrating unwavering dedication. We witnessed her relentless pursuit of knowledge and her determination to provide for us financially. In our home, traditional gender roles didn’t exist; Mom handled everything from paying bills to maintaining the car and even mowing the lawn. When she chose not to participate in certain activities—like camping—it was clear it was simply her personal preference, not dictated by her gender.
2. Clear Boundaries Without Confusion
In contrast to many two-parent households, my sister and I didn’t have to navigate the complexities of playing one parent against the other. We understood that Mom was the final authority, which fostered a sense of security. While we certainly mastered the art of negotiation with her, it was comforting to know exactly where the lines were drawn. My mother raised us on her terms, free from the tension or disagreements that can sometimes arise in a partnership.
3. A Foundation for True Partnerships
Both my sister and I chose partners who embody the values we grew up with. Our husbands are skilled and proud of their abilities, whether it’s navigating outdoor adventures, tackling home improvement projects, or even mastering gluten-free recipes. We didn’t gravitate towards traditional roles; instead, we sought relationships built on equality and understanding. While we’re not immune to the occasional gender-related challenge, we strive for open conversations and mutual respect in our marriages.
I cherish the partnership I have with my husband, knowing that my upbringing prepared me to appreciate a loving relationship without the fear of facing parenthood alone. My mom’s strength and resilience have shown me that it’s possible to thrive as a solo parent, and that’s a powerful gift I carry into my own parenting journey.
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In summary, growing up with a single mom has instilled in me a strong sense of independence, clarity in relationships, and an expectation of equal partnership. I’m grateful for the lessons learned and the strength gained from my mom’s example.