Parenting can be incredibly challenging—yet it’s also the most rewarding experience imaginable. Often, these feelings coexist in the same moment.
This morning was a perfect example. I woke up exhausted and completely uninterested in our usual morning routine, which my son Leo and I fondly refer to as our “couch time.” I definitely wasn’t in the mood for my daughter Mia to be cranky from lack of sleep or for little Sam to get upset just because I cut his pancakes the wrong way, which I did. So, yes, this morning was rough.
Yet amid the chaos, there were also miraculous moments. As Mia tended to Leo’s hair in the bathroom, I stood in the kitchen catching up on emails while Sam enjoyed his breakfast at the table. He’s currently the size of a tiny creature from a fantasy movie, resembling a small Ewok. I couldn’t help but smile as he worked diligently on his meal—first his pancakes, and then, with a cheeky grin, he quickly swapped his plate for a bowl of oatmeal.
Sam recently started a nursery program for two mornings a week, and last week his teacher taught him a clever trick: lean over the bowl while eating to avoid messes. This morning, I watched in awe as he adjusted his posture to get just the right angle, his tiny body leaning forward with such determination. It was one of those moments that made my heart swell, almost overwhelming me with affection.
In an instant, the feelings of frustration faded away, replaced by pure joy. The highs of parenting can be so exhilarating that they wash away the lows completely.
But what’s the alternative? Before kids, I sometimes felt I had all the time in the world—would I really prefer to spend my time lounging on the couch, catching up on movies, or indulging in a yoga class? Sure, those things sound appealing, but deep down, I know that I wouldn’t trade these moments for anything. According to a thought-provoking article by New York magazine titled “All Joy and No Fun,” parents often report feeling more stressed and less happy day-to-day, yet they find a profound sense of purpose and satisfaction in the long run.
Having children brings incredible moments of love and connection, but it also comes with daily stress, sleep deprivation, and intimacy that can dwindle. This chaotic period isn’t the best time for making major life decisions.
I’ve developed a little rule for myself: whenever I feel road rage bubbling up because someone is driving too slowly, I pause to ask myself, “Have I slept less than seven hours, eaten an entire cake, or had an argument with my partner, Jenna?” If the answer is yes to any of these, I give the driver the benefit of the doubt before I lose my cool.
The same applies to our relationships; we need to express our needs but also grant each other grace. Embracing a bit of chaos is essential. In my opinion, couples with young children should hit pause on the idea of divorce. During these tumultuous years, when sleep is scarce, and stress is high, it’s hard to think clearly enough to make such a life-altering decision. Of course, there are exceptions—if there’s abuse or irreconcilable differences, divorce may be necessary.
However, more often than not, the person you fell in love with will resurface once the kids grow older. After Jenna had our first child, she transformed from a cheerful spirit into someone who resembled a superhero with a perpetual lack of sleep. I don’t blame her; the strain of parenting is real. Thankfully, as time passed, she started to return to her former self, waking up one morning and saying, “What happened to me?” I can’t imagine the loss I would have felt had we decided to part ways before that transformation took place.
For more insights into the journey of parenting and relationships, check out our post on transcendent moments. It’s a journey that, while full of challenges, can lead to beautiful revelations.
In summary, while parenting can be overwhelming and exhausting, the highs of joyful moments with our children make it all worthwhile. It’s crucial to give ourselves and our partners the grace to navigate these tough times together, rather than making impulsive decisions when emotions are running high.