Not long after my childhood friend welcomed her first baby, and just before I had mine, I began to realize that our phone chats would never be the same. The changes felt akin to being in a bizarre love triangle, where I would be speaking to her—and her child—simultaneously. “Keep going!” she would urge, clearly eager for some adult conversation. “I’m listening, but I’m also multitasking!” And so, I would share my thoughts while she tended to her little one, navigating this new chapter in our friendship that felt unfamiliar.
Picture a slide show reminiscent of Michael Jackson’s “Black or White,” with me on one side and her on the other. Hair styles transformed from neat to curly, baby fat gave way to cheekbones, and glasses were replaced with contacts. But as I watched her evolve into a weary new mom, I found myself questioning what this meant for us. Despite the physical changes, our bond remained unwavering. True friendship is about being there for one another, no matter the circumstances.
Now, we were redefining what it meant to “be there” for each other. Our conversations had shifted into uncharted territory, where I would speak and her responses—if they came—often took the form of distracted acknowledgments directed towards her child. It was disorienting, yet a necessary adjustment. After all, isn’t it expected that the arrival of a child will recalibrate not only a couple’s relationship but also the bonds we share with friends?
Returning to that slide show of our friendship, I realize that our connection has morphed. In the past, being there for each other meant late-night phone calls to share excitement over pop music videos or writing lengthy letters filled with doodles to keep boredom at bay. It was about offering tough love when necessary, like telling her that “he’s not worth your time” so she could move on.
Now, the definition of support is evolving, expanding to embrace new forms of kindness we never anticipated. It may mean responding to a late-night Facebook post with comforting thoughts, even if you can’t physically be there. It means reaching out from afar just to share that you care. It includes offering to host playdates, allowing your friend a moment to catch her breath. It’s about gifting something special that reflects her individuality, reminding her that she’s still more than just a mom—she’s a friend who deserves to feel cherished.
It’s essential to remember the girl on the left in that slide show, the one who still exists beneath the changes of motherhood.
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In summary, friendships may shift as life unfolds, especially with the arrival of children. However, the essence of true friendship—being there for each other—remains steadfast, even as we adapt to new realities.