Naïve Parenting is an amusing concept: before each milestone in your child’s life, you confidently predict that everything will unfold smoothly, setting yourself up with unrealistic expectations. You think you’ve got it all figured out, only to find yourself improvising when reality takes a turn. Embracing denial, flexibility, and an open mind are essential components of this charming parenting style.
When my children were younger, I truly believed they would be perfect sleepers, never throw tantrums, and appear impeccably dressed every single day. Now that they’re older, my naïve aspirations have evolved into something more relatable—and perhaps even worthy of a book deal or a chat with Oprah. Here are some naïve promises I made regarding my older kids, and how I’ve hilariously managed to adapt my grand plans:
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No Overscheduling Allowed
Before becoming a parent, I scoffed at those frantic moms racing from one activity to another with snacks in hand. I confidently declared I would never fall into that trap. Fast forward, and I’ve learned that signing up for a sweet little soccer team often morphs into a whirlwind of year-round practices and competitions. And yes, your 8-year-old will want to try out every sport under the sun. Family dinners? Thanksgiving is our only hope! -
Patience is My Virtue
I envisioned myself as the calm, Mr. Rogers-like figure, soothing my kids with gentle conversations and homemade cookies. The reality? My “quiet” discussions often escalate in volume, my fish tank is long gone, and I can’t even locate my favorite cardigan. On the bright side, I still manage to squeeze in those hugs, even if I’m the one sneaking cookies from the dog bowl. -
No Cell Phones Until High School
Seriously, why would a 12-year-old need a phone? Apparently, my son and every other middle-schooler in the neighborhood disagree. After some deliberation, my husband and I caved and now our kid has a phone for “emergencies.” So far, it’s been essential for urgent matters—like asking if he can sleep at Alex’s place or if ice cream is on the dessert menu. -
I Won’t Be the Cringeworthy Mom
My husband and I love to make our kids laugh, but now that they’re tweens, I find myself walking a fine line between being the “funny mom” and the “awkward lady who won’t stop talking.” Luckily, I’m getting better at recognizing when to dial it back—like when they literally leave the room. -
One Hour of Screen Time? Ha!
Let’s just say my initial goal of limiting screen time has… not gone as planned. -
We’ll Stick to the Food Pyramid
In my dreams, mealtimes would be a scene from a cooking show with gourmet dishes and wholesome ingredients. The reality, however, resembles more of a chaotic episode of a survival challenge. Some days, I’m just thankful if dinner consists of a chicken leg and rice eaten without utensils. -
Animal Prints? Not on My Watch!
I thought I could dodge the animal print craze with my daughter, who prefers sporty attire. But once major brands jumped on the trend, I realized it was a losing battle. I’ve even come to terms with her occasionally dressing like a cute little leopard! -
No PG-13 Movies Until They’re 13
As my son approached age 11, the movie choices became complicated. It’s either yet another viewing of “Despicable Me” or a film riddled with adult themes. Sadly, we’ve had to navigate this tricky terrain, muting the volume during questionable scenes—every single time. -
Commitment is Key—Except When It’s Not
I once insisted my children must follow through with all activities. However, this rule has some exceptions, especially when it comes to loud instruments, like the French horn, or sports where skills are essential for safety—think football or gymnastics.
Now, as my kids approach their teenage years, I can’t help but chuckle at the naïve assumptions I still hold. Will they really be home by 9 p.m. every Saturday after hours spent in the library? Only time will tell, and I’ll keep you posted (maybe even to Oprah).
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Summary
In this light-hearted exploration of naïve parenting, I shared the unrealistic expectations I initially held about raising my children. From thinking I could avoid overscheduling to believing I wouldn’t be an embarrassing mom, the reality has often been far from my predictions. As my kids grow older, I find myself adapting and learning to embrace the unpredictability of parenthood.