The other day, my cousin Lisa texted me with a dilemma: “Uncle Tom thinks we can’t watch the new superhero movie, but it’s totally fine! Just checking in. We can, right?”
With a deep breath, I planted my feet firmly, deciding that the movie could wait. My partner had just taken off on his run, and I sprinted through the trees to catch a glimpse of him dousing himself with water, ready to tackle the course ahead.
The sweltering heat that day was unbearable, even for a bystander. I quickly found a shady spot, pulled out my phone, and typed a response. “I’m pretty sure you can see the movie when I get back. Can we avoid any arguments while I’m away? I don’t want to cause any unnecessary tension. Does that make sense?”
I was prepared for resistance; I expected a back-and-forth that I simply didn’t have the energy for. But to my surprise, as I walked toward an air-conditioned café, she replied, “Sure, that’s fine.” I had to read it twice to believe it!
Once I settled into the cool air of the restaurant, I marveled at how smoothly things had resolved. There were no accusations, no snide remarks, just clear communication and mutual respect.
This wasn’t a one-off incident. Texting often helps me navigate parenting challenges more effectively. When my kids ask for last-minute plans or new gear from the other end of the mall, a firm “No,” sent via text, paired with a short explanation, allows me to sidestep the exhausting cycle of arguments that usually leads to frustration.
The beauty of this method lies in the built-in pause it provides. It serves as a filtering mechanism, giving me time to think through my words before hitting send. This “parenting time-out” is invaluable, especially when I can force myself to take it. Texting creates that space every time.
As someone who enjoys writing, I appreciate the opportunity to refine my thoughts. I’m the type who meticulously revises a social media post multiple times before I share it. Quick responses aren’t my strong suit, which is why I once pursued a career in law.
In law school, I envisioned lawyers having scripts, drawing on a set of rules to guide their actions. Instead, I learned that every case is unique, and there’s no definitive rulebook for getting it right. Unfortunately, neither of my kids came with an instruction manual.
With both of them approaching their teenage years, I still face the challenge of knowing what to say. While I haven’t discovered a magical pause button to prevent me from saying things I may regret, texting gives me that pause.
I realize this isn’t the ultimate solution, but as they grow increasingly independent, texting may become an essential tool. Perhaps when we’re together, I can hold my phone while talking to them, using that texting “pause” to remind myself to take a moment before speaking.
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In summary, I’ve found that texting can enhance my parenting by providing a much-needed pause, allowing for clearer communication and resolution. As my children grow, I hope to continue utilizing this tool to navigate our evolving relationship.