Recently, while swiping my credit card at a jukebox, I thought, “This will be ironic.” Little did I know, I’d end up spending a small fortune just to hear a cringe-worthy ’90s hit—only to have the bartender cut it off after a mere 10 seconds. “What about ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’?” I asked. He swiftly informed me that it wasn’t appropriate for a bar. So there I was, out a ton of cash for nothing.
It seems that modern jukeboxes have become outrageously pricey, especially those fancy touch-screen models that promise to have every song imaginable. You might think you’re just putting in a dollar, but before you know it, you could be behind on your student loans! This is why you must be deliberate about your jukebox picks. Let’s dive into some strategies:
The Crowd Favorites
These tracks are like the adorable puppies of the jukebox—universally adored and bound to get everyone excited.
Top Picks: “Sweet Home Alabama,” “Sweet Caroline,” “Sweet Child O’ Mine”—anything that has a sweet vibe works! Other great choices include “Brown Eyed Girl,” “Old Time Rock and Roll,” “Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It),” and “Respect.”
The Songs You Truly Adore
These may not ignite the crowd’s enthusiasm, and they might even provoke some eye rolls. But who cares? You’ll be belting them out into your drink like it’s a magic microphone, and that’s what matters!
Top Picks: “P.Y.T.,” anything from Beck’s more avant-garde albums, “Everybody (Backstreet’s Back),” and heavy distortion tracks from Sonic Youth. Don’t forget Bobby Brown’s hits from New Edition to now!
The Guilty Pleasures (That Are Just Pleasurable)
Here’s where your true musical taste shines through.
Top Picks: “November Rain,” “Return of the Mack,” and let’s not overlook the brilliance of New Radicals’ “You Get What You Give”—it’s a pop gem, no matter what anyone says.
The Long Tracks
Maximize your dollar’s worth with songs that take their sweet time.
Top Picks: “Purple Rain,” which spans 8:42, or Tim Buckley’s “Gypsy Woman,” a solid 12:19. For the ultimate time commitment, play Brian Eno’s “Thursday Afternoon,” which is a whopping 61 minutes. And of course, Meat Loaf always delivers on length!
The Trendy Tunes
Depending on your audience, you’ll want to choose songs that are either classics or the latest hits to impress.
Top Picks: For recent tracks, opt for bands with quirky spellings like Chvrches or Haerts. For older tunes, think, “What would Zach Braff do?” and aim for something just off the beaten path. Have a favorite B-side by Nick Drake? Perfect!
The Umlaut Effect
I’m convinced that adding umlauts makes everything cooler, and that extends to band names too.
Top Picks: “Could You Be the One?” by Hüsker Dü, anything from Mötley Crüe, Björk, or Motörhead. If you can take the dude-bros yelling about cowbell, throw on “(Don’t Fear) the Reaper” by Blue Öyster Cult. Just steer clear of Queensrÿche, which I believe has been effectively banned since 1994.
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In summary, choosing the right jukebox song involves a blend of crowd-pleasers, personal favorites, guilty pleasures, and strategic long tracks. By keeping your audience and your taste in mind, you can ensure a memorable experience without breaking the bank.