You’ve reached a significant milestone. Your friends might say it: “You’ve got it all together.” You’ve found your partner in life (25 years and counting!), raised two wonderful children, and created a warm, inviting home. With good friends nearby and a loyal rescue pup by your side, plus a fulfilling career that many only dream of, you truly feel blessed. You often pause to express gratitude—whether to the universe, a guardian angel, or the deities you’re not sure exist. “Thank you,” you murmur, appreciating your fortune.
Yet, time seems to slip through your fingers. You hear the familiar phrases: “Time flies,” “The year will be over before you know it,” and “How can it be summer already?” A fleeting glance in a shop window catches you off guard. For a moment, you think you see your mother, who passed away eight years ago. That image lingers in your mind. You decide to change your hair and buy a new outfit. While you embrace your current age, you can’t help but wonder why you seem to mirror your mother’s appearance.
Scrolling through social media, you come across stories of friends your age—or even younger—facing unexpected challenges: heart attacks, battles with cancer, sudden divorces. You read about resilience, hope, and the question of what comes next. With a knot of guilt, you think, “Why me?” Why have you been spared these hardships?
Life feels like a protective bubble, but it’s not completely unscathed. Earlier this year, a brush with pneumonia turned serious, leading to sepsis. The doctors were baffled, and while you’re grateful to have come out on the other side, you wonder about your strength or potential fragility. You celebrate another birthday, indulging in cake, acknowledging your survival. The prize? A deeper understanding of life. You think, “There but for the grace of whatever higher power, go I.”
You sometimes lose track of the year or even the day of the week. Memories fade, and when friends reminisce about shared experiences, you nod along, absorbing their stories, filling in the gaps in your own memory with theirs. You had been warned about “baby brain” during pregnancy, but no one told you it could linger indefinitely.
Soon, you’ll be turning 50. Not just next year, but in the not-so-distant future. That big number looms ahead, a mid-century mark that once felt so far away. It seemed old back then, solid and unyielding. Stability is comforting—health, happiness, financial security, and career achievements feel good. Yet, there’s an untamed part of you yearning for more. Deep within, a wildness stirs, a desire to release a primal scream—not out of anger or sorrow, but simply to let go.
You recall a book you read last year, Wild by Chloe Evans, and resonate with her quest for meaning, even if you’ve never hiked a day in your life. You choose to express your desires through writing rather than travel. You’re not seeking an Eat, Pray, Love adventure; instead, you strive to capture these fleeting moments we call life in words. A line from your favorite ’80s movie, St. Elmo’s Fire, echoes in your mind: “We’re all going through this.” It’s funny how time has shifted; now you could be the parent of those characters, yet you still feel like you’re teetering on the edge of something.
This moment, right here and now, is all you have. You want to remember every detail because you know that before long, today will blend into the tapestry of your life, filled with both good days and challenges. The individual threads of memory will weave together into a rich narrative that chronicles your journey through aging. You’ll try to document it all, hoping to look back and recognize the person you’ve become. “Who is this?” you might ask yourself in 10 or 20 years. But deep down, you’ll know it’s you, with that wild spirit still beating fiercely within you. It’s still your time.
In summary, as you approach your 50th birthday, you reflect on the blessings and challenges of life. You embrace the joy of your accomplishments while acknowledging the fleeting nature of time and memory. Amidst the chaos of daily life, you yearn for a sense of wildness and adventure, finding solace in writing and self-expression. This journey is yours, and it continues to unfold.