When I was in sixth grade, the most scandalous event at a girls’ sleepover was when one of us would doze off first. The remaining girls would often giggle uncontrollably as they tried to prank the sleepyhead by placing her hand in a bowl of warm water, hoping to catch her off guard. We’d sometimes even hold a midnight séance, whispering, “Light as a feather, stiff as a board….”
Those carefree days are long gone. Today’s kids face a very different landscape, filled with temptations and distractions that weren’t even on our radar back in the day.
Last fall, when my daughter Lily turned 11, she excitedly requested her first sleepover. As her parents, we were hesitant. Lily tends to be a bit sensitive and sometimes feels overwhelmed in social settings. We had previously had to pick her up early from playdates because she felt drained and needed a break. She’s not the type to thrive in large groups; she prefers quieter activities like reading.
Despite our reservations, we finally agreed to let her have a slumber party. She invited a dozen friends, and we set up a Harry Potter theme with fun activities, like creating a piñata shaped like a wizard hat and organizing a treasure hunt. However, I completely overlooked one crucial detail: the smartphones.
Parents, take note: Ban smartphones right from the start. Include this in the invitation or send a separate message to the parents of the girls attending. If parents feel the need to stay in contact, create a plan where phones are collected upon arrival and returned briefly at a designated time for goodnight calls. Make sure to ask for them back and turn them off afterward.
Here’s why this is essential:
- Different Rules Apply: Your parental controls and agreements about phone usage likely don’t apply to the other girls. While you may have set limits on your child’s phone usage, other kids may not have the same restrictions. This can lead to confusion and disagreement.
- Distractions Diminish Fun: The girls were excited about the Harry Potter theme, but they were equally absorbed in their phones. I found myself repeatedly trying to gather their attention, only to see some of them glued to their devices. Without these distractions, I’m confident they would have enjoyed each other’s company much more.
- Setting Rules Midway is Tough: By 9 p.m., I regretted not establishing a no-phone policy earlier. The girls had paired off, giggling and prank-calling boys while scrolling through their phones. Monitoring this became nearly impossible with so many devices around.
- Feeling Powerless: Some girls ignored my request to put their phones away, leaving me feeling helpless. They claimed their parents wanted them to keep their phones on for emergencies. I had failed to clarify these details beforehand, making it awkward to enforce any rules.
- Inappropriate Content: Even if they’re not savvy enough to know all the ins and outs of the internet, middle schoolers are usually well-acquainted with YouTube. It’s a platform where they can stumble upon content that you would never want them to see. I caught two girls watching music videos that were not suitable, which forced me to demand that all phones be turned off immediately. This moment shifted the entire atmosphere of the party, and I regretted not taking action sooner.
Eventually, by midnight, we created a phone-free zone in my daughter’s bedroom, allowing everyone to finally settle down. The next morning was much better, filled with laughter over pancakes as they ran around in their pajamas. By the end of the party, Lily was understandably exhausted and declared, “Never again, Mom. Never again!”
I couldn’t agree more—at least not without first establishing clear rules about smartphones in my home.
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Summary
In today’s world, sleepovers can be complicated by smartphones. Establishing a no-phone policy from the start can help maintain the fun and connection that these gatherings are meant to foster.