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An Ultimate Guide to Parents Who Might Just Be Better at This Than You

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Parenting

An Ultimate Guide to Parents Who Might Just Be Better at This Than You
by Jamie Carter
Updated: July 23, 2020
Originally Published: July 8, 2015

Dear New Parents,

Hey there! How are you holding up? Feeling a bit worn out? Perhaps those 2 a.m. feedings are taking a toll, or maybe you’re chasing after a toddler who’s determined to turn your hair gray—licking outlets, vaulting down stairs, and turning their nose up at anything nutritious?

You might be feeling a little lost. Like you’re in over your head, questioning whether you’ll ever master the art of parenting, and facing those guilt-ridden “What am I even doing?” moments.

How is this possible? You excelled in calculus, you run a thriving business, and you can parallel park like a pro. Yet, if a parenting pop quiz were held tomorrow, you’d probably scrape by with a C+. Maybe a B- after downing a Trenta cold brew and a Red Bull.

It seems like every other parent out there has it all figured out. They look like they know exactly what they’re doing, and you can’t help but think—they’re better at this parenting gig than you.

So let me save you some time: They are better.

Other parents are simply superior in every way. They excel at discipline, motivation, and keeping their kids from harm. Their children will have more friends, enjoy richer lives, and probably won’t need therapy. Their kids are destined for greatness, all because other parents are just way better than you could ever aspire to be.

It’s a harsh truth I learned too late to help my own children. I spent 16 years on parenting forums, devouring books, reading articles, and even downloading the “Why Other Parents Are Better Than You” app to fully grasp how I fell short. It’s been disheartening, to say the least.

But what truly upset me was how long it took to accept that, well, I’m just not cut out for this compared to others.

To save you the trouble of figuring out how to change (but probably won’t), here’s my definitive list of parents who are absolutely better than I am.

In no particular order:

  1. Overly strict parents
  2. Chill parents
  3. City dwellers who expose their kids to culture and street smarts
  4. Suburban parents with yards, great schools, and soccer coaches from Brazil
  5. Country parents teaching their kids about responsibility via farm machinery
  6. Pro-vaccination parents
  7. Anti-vaccination parents
  8. Parents with spotless homes and hand sanitizer at the ready
  9. Parents who believe in germ exposure for stronger immunity
  10. Breastfeeding advocates
  11. Bottle-feeding champions
  12. Faith-based parents
  13. Secular parents
  14. Parents uncertain about divine parenting assistance
  15. Conservative parents
  16. Liberal parents
  17. Anarchist parents
  18. Celebrity parents like Noam Chomsky
  19. Free-range parents
  20. Parents who use child leashes
  21. Organic food enthusiasts
  22. Digital-savvy parents
  23. Screen-free parents
  24. Parents who restrict cell phone access more than you did
  25. Authoritarian parents
  26. Authoritative parents
  27. Positively inclined parents
  28. Permissive parents
  29. Mary Poppins types
  30. Parenting experts like Dr. Sears
  31. Parenting gurus like Dr. Brazelton
  32. Laura (whoever she is)
  33. Parenting figureheads like James Dobson
  34. “I Love Ezzo” parents
  35. “I Hate Ezzo” parents
  36. Young parents
  37. Older parents
  38. Parents with only one child
  39. Parents with two kids
  40. Parents with many kids
  41. The Cosby family
  42. The Brady Bunch
  43. The Waltons
  44. The Duggars (though Jessa might still outrank you)
  45. The Kramers (not the mom)
  46. Parents who comfort crying children
  47. Parents who let kids cry it out
  48. Co-sleeping parents
  49. Parents who don’t co-sleep
  50. Parents who spank
  51. Parents who don’t spank
  52. Parents who choose public schools for their kids
  53. Parents who opt for private schools
  54. Parents who homeschool
  55. Parents who have unmedicated births
  56. Parents who have home births with assistance
  57. Parents who have home births solo
  58. Parents who gave birth in extreme conditions
  59. Parents who chose cesarean sections for aesthetic reasons
  60. Parents who are men
  61. Expectant parents who will avoid your mistakes
  62. Celebrities like Gwyneth Paltrow and Angelina Jolie
  63. Heterosexual parents
  64. LGBTQ+ parents
  65. Married couples
  66. Single parents
  67. Caitlyn Jenner
  68. Parents with high school diplomas
  69. Parents with college degrees
  70. Graduate degree holders
  71. Parents without formal education
  72. Parents who read parenting literature
  73. Tiger Moms
  74. French Meres
  75. Moms from IKEA
  76. Russian figure skating coaches
  77. Your mother-in-law
  78. Mother Teresa
  79. Martha Stewart
  80. Pinterest-loving moms
  81. Parents who blog
  82. Parents who don’t share online
  83. Parents who keep baby books updated
  84. Parents too busy parenting to do the same
  85. Super Moms
  86. Good Enough Moms
  87. Slow Parenting Moms
  88. Laid-back Moms
  89. Parents who take care of themselves
  90. Parents who play with their kids
  91. Parents who teach their kids
  92. Parents who teach practical skills
  93. Stay-at-home parents
  94. Work-from-home parents
  95. Out-of-home working parents
  96. Parents who let their kids drink from the garden hose
  97. Parents who let kids eat fast food
  98. Parents who allow free-range chickens to help with chores
  99. Parents who pay chickens an allowance
  100. Parents of chickens
  101. Parents of Chuck Norris
  102. My Mom

I might have overlooked a few. Apparently, I’m not the best at compiling exhaustive parenting lists. But I hope this gives you a taste of how you might feel inadequate.

So, carry on. Unless you’re a total jerk in several overlapping categories, your unique brand of parenting is probably just fine for your equally unique child. Even if you feel a little lost, trust that you know more than you give yourself credit for. You may not be as great as Dr. Spock, but you’re doing your best.

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Summary

In the world of parenting, it’s easy to feel inadequate when comparing yourself to others. This humorous and relatable list highlights various types of parents who seem to have it all figured out, from strict to relaxed, urban to rural. Despite the overwhelming feelings that accompany new parenthood, it’s essential to remember that each parenting style is unique and valid.

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