“Stay kind,” “Don’t ever change,” “Most likely to achieve greatness,” “You made our school proud”—these are just a few phrases I recently found in my high school yearbook. Now, decades later, I ponder whether I met the expectations set by my classmates and teachers. Did I disappoint them, and, more importantly, did I let myself down? Did I become the person everyone anticipated I would be?
Back in high school, I was your quintessential overachiever. A diligent student involved in a myriad of activities, I was an All-American swimmer, played in the marching band, concert band, jazz band, sang in the choir, participated in school plays, served in student government, and even made it onto homecoming court. Reflecting on it now makes my head spin, and I still wonder how I managed to juggle it all. I was never tempted by drugs or alcohol and stayed out of trouble entirely.
Given my track record, it’s no surprise people had high hopes for my future. For a time, I suppose I lived up to those expectations. I attended a prestigious college, traveled across the U.S. and Europe while working for a travel agency, and later enrolled in law school where I excelled and met my future partner. After graduating, I married, started a family, and built a successful career. On the surface, everything seemed to align with those yearbook predictions.
However, life took a sharp turn. The once “perfect” high school sweetheart developed a serious addiction to alcohol and prescription pills during my journey. Although I managed to keep it under wraps for a while, it eventually spiraled out of control, leading to my divorce and ultimately, a stint in rehab—not quite the fairy tale my hometown envisioned all those years ago.
The fallout from hitting rock bottom was excruciating. I felt that I had let down everyone who loved me, and the weight of shame was unbearable. In those early nights at rehab, I struggled to see a way forward, consumed by fear and despair.
Yet, through determination and hard work, I slowly began to rediscover myself. I filled the void in my life with newfound hope and purpose. Now sober, I focus on being the best mother I can be and lead a healthier, more balanced life. While I’m not where I imagined I would be at this age, I’m starting to believe that this new path may be even more fulfilling than I ever dreamed.
Reflecting on my yearbook, I consider what those messages mean to me today: “Stay kind.” While I might not always fit that description, I am certainly more genuine. “Don’t ever change.” Well, change has been a constant, and I’m far from the perfectionist I once was. Admitting my flaws has made me stronger, and I believe I still carry that drive within me to overcome challenges.
“Most likely to achieve greatness.” I’ve had my share of accomplishments, but I also lost much along the way. My most significant victory now lies in reclaiming my life and achieving sobriety. I hope that counts for something.
“You made our school proud.” For a time, I didn’t feel proud of myself, but as I opened up to friends from my past about my journey, the support I received was overwhelming. Many had no idea of my struggles but still remembered me fondly and offered encouragement, reminding me of my strengths.
Ultimately, while I may seem like an entirely different person compared to that high school girl, I’ve also tapped back into the core of who she was. It feels as though I’ve been reborn from that innocent spirit. We are both fighters in our own right. A dear friend of mine, still close today, wrote in my yearbook, “Stay true to yourself.” Perhaps he understood me better than I realized. It’s a sentiment that resonates now more than ever.
This article originally appeared on July 15, 2015.
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Summary
In this reflective piece, Jamie Lin dives into her high school experiences and the expectations that followed her into adulthood. While initially achieving success, she faced a tumultuous journey involving addiction and recovery. Through hard work and self-discovery, Jamie now embraces her past flaws and acknowledges her growth, realizing that true success lies in sobriety and authenticity.