Updated: Aug. 20, 2015
Originally Published: July 15, 2015
Parenting can be a real puzzle. It twists and turns, leading you down paths you never expected. Just when you think you’ve mastered it, everything crumbles, slipping away like sand through your fingers. You find yourself overwhelmed, wishing for a reset. It can make you feel utterly foolish. I’ve been a parent for 12 years, and I have learned to recognize its unpredictable nature.
When I envision the parent I aspire to be, I picture a scene reminiscent of a heartwarming film. Think of a blend of warmth and love, like a character played by a beloved actress, surrounded by family, joy radiating around the dinner table. You know the kind of scene that pulls at your heartstrings? Well, that’s how I imagined it.
However, my reality is far from cinematic. The dinner setting at my home resembles more of a rowdy comedy than a touching family drama. There’s no charm in our family meals. Instead, it’s a cacophony of kids making silly noises and throwing out quips like, “This meatloaf is gross,” and, “Dad’s way more fun than you.” They even question my memory about their school days, and I find myself lamenting, “I can’t stand this Everyday Math!” Oh, wait! That last one was definitely mine.
If you’ve seen the movie Bridesmaids, you might recall the part where one character humorously discusses her boys. Well, I think we might be there, or perhaps I’m just in denial. The chaotic, messy phase has arrived, uninvited. The sweet scent of baby powder has dissipated, replaced by the smell of something far less pleasant.
Sneakers piled near the door emit a stench reminiscent of roadkill after a hot summer day. Showers take ages, and as I sift through heaps of laundry for those overpriced and hideous Nike socks that middle school boys seem to adore, I stumble upon washcloths that have seen better days. Is that a hint of shampoo I smell after their showers? Nope. I’d rather not know what they’re up to in there. That’s why bathrooms have doors, right? A little mystery is good for the soul. If my boys could just shampoo a bit more often, that would be fabulous.
I find myself saying things I never thought I’d utter. “It’s not a great idea to be naked with the cat,” and, “Please don’t stick your nose there; you’ll smell it soon enough.” Oh, and “Dancing naked on the breakfast table is fun, but swinging your private parts around isn’t socially acceptable. Also, I don’t want them near my smoothie!”
Growing up, did you watch The Cosby Show? Remember when Heathcliff Huxtable would jokingly threaten his kids, saying, “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out”? As a child, I didn’t quite understand it. Fast forward to now, and boy, do I get it—loud and clear.
There are no perfect scripts in parenting. It’s just you, your kids, and the unexpected moments that arise. What will they do next? And, more importantly, what will you say in response?
Just last week, across the dinner table, I found myself telling my son something I never expected to voice. “Listen closely,” I said, pointing dramatically. “You’re acting like a colossal jerk. Your attitude is unacceptable. Change it, or when your dad gets home, he will seriously have a talk with you.”
Wait, what? “Have a talk”? Is there a difference between being a jerk and a colossal jerk? I was on a roll, and there’s no stopping me once I get going. “Look at me,” I said, “I am the Gatekeeper. Every decision in this house goes through me. If your attitude doesn’t change now, I’ll remove all the fun from your life. I have that power. Because I am the Gatekeeper. I control all the things—fun and not fun. All of them.”
In all my dreams about motherhood, I never imagined myself cursing at my son or channeling a character from a classic movie. Nevertheless, here we are.
As we head into this new phase of parenting, I can’t help but feel a bit anxious. We haven’t even begun to tackle driving, dating, or the potential chaos of driving while texting!
One thing is certain: parenting is challenging. It’s nothing like the movies portray. Because at the end of the day, I’m just a mom. Standing in front of four boys. Asking them to aim when they pee.
For more insights on parenting and helpful tips, you can check out resources like the CDC for pregnancy information or explore options for home insemination at this link. And if you’re interested in home insemination, I recommend taking a look at this article as well.
In summary, parenting is a wild ride filled with unexpected twists and hilarious moments. It’s less about perfection and more about navigating the chaos with love, humor, and a bit of grace.