Parenting milestones are abundant in those early years when your baby is small, and your world revolves around them. Holding that tiny bundle of joy often brings a mix of tears and smiles, a beautiful chaos that colors your life. Soon enough, you witness their first smile, hear their first words, and watch as they take their first wobbly steps—each milestone blending into the next. Photographs flood your phone and social media, capturing the journey as you marvel at how fast they are growing. It feels as if you’re merely a passenger on this rollercoaster ride of life.
Then comes kindergarten, arriving far too quickly, and the milestones seem to rush toward you with each passing year of elementary school. Every new achievement is marked with celebrations—trophies, photos, cupcakes, banners, and high-fives. Your parenting skills are put to the test daily, challenging your patience and sometimes overwhelming your senses. You’re tethered to your child 24/7, navigating the ups and downs together, finding joy in little victories and facing struggles with boundless love. Parenthood becomes your greatest pride and your deepest anxiety.
Middle school, however, stretches out like an eternity. Trust me on this. As you brace yourself for the inevitable transition to high school, leaving those awkward middle school years behind feels like a relief. High school brings a new set of challenges that will further test your parenting prowess. Yet somehow, you both emerge on the other side, and the finish line seems less defined than before.
Then, your child turns 21. Mine did just a few weeks ago.
As you sit across from this young adult at your kitchen table, you may feel a mix of pride and confusion. This 21-year-old is both a piece of your heart and, at times, a stranger. They discuss current events, engage with professors, navigate adult responsibilities like car insurance quotes, and even vote. While there are still milestones ahead, many will be celebrated away from you. That’s how the journey is meant to unfold. We love, we nurture, we teach, and eventually we let them go. With only one year left before graduation, I can feel the launch approaching.
Yet, this birthday feels unsettling. My son seems more man than boy, signaling a tipping point in our relationship. Will he turn to us when life presents challenges? Have our lessons—often sprinkled with a touch of sarcasm—found a home in his memory for future use? Or did we overwhelm him with advice, making it all too much to process? These questions linger in the back of my mind.
Some nights, when sleep eludes me, I replay scenes from his childhood, scrutinizing how I handled various situations (I like to imagine I’m portrayed by someone fabulous, like Anne Hathaway). If you’re in the thick of parenting, where sleepless nights and diaper changes feel endless, here’s a secret: those moments won’t be what you remember most when your child turns 21. Instead, you’ll focus on pivotal instances—those critical decisions that shaped their path. These “what-ifs” can haunt parents of young adults and lead to sleepless nights. Did I forget to introduce him to certain experiences? Did I encourage the right subjects in school? I may never know.
He will always be my baby, the one who drew me into this incredible journey of parenthood. The scruff of his facial hair is a reminder that he has grown into an adult, moving on to the next chapter where he tests his wings in the world. It’s a strange mix of pride and disbelief.
Parenting from infancy to young adulthood in 21 years feels simultaneously triumphant and unfair. “It goes by so fast!” we hear. Wrapped in the fabric of time, those years have indeed flown, but reflecting on the challenges and triumphs of each phase, it seems remarkable to reach this point. He’s still my child, yet undeniably an adult. The disconnect hits me when I offer him a glass of wine at dinner or watch him interact with others, reminding myself he is now an adult. Much of my parenting is done—my dissertation on raising him is complete.
This summer, my son is home, working full-time in his field before finishing his degree. We’ve found a new rhythm as a household of three adults and a teenage sister, trading the chaos of childhood for the dynamic of young adulthood. I’m trying to listen more, lecture less, and elevate my parenting approach. It’s refreshing to connect with my adult child on a new level.
I often find myself wishing we could debate fun topics like whether a T-rex could outmatch a Megalosaurus (if only they had coexisted). I cherish these moments with my scruffy-faced son, raising a glass to him and to all the kids making the leap into adulthood, and to the parents who guided them along the way. It truly is an incredible journey.
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Summary
As your child approaches adulthood, reflecting on the parenting journey reveals mixed emotions of pride and concern. Watching them transition from childhood to adulthood is both rewarding and bittersweet, filled with memories of key moments and lessons learned. While you may worry about the lessons imparted, it’s an amazing experience to see them navigate their path into the wider world.