Have you found yourself questioning whether your child is too attached to their electronic devices? Here’s a lighthearted guide to help you assess the situation.
- Begin by allowing some screen time—less than it would take to read War and Peace, but more than the time it takes to tackle the laundry.
- Politely ask if they could wrap up their game in five minutes.
- Gently remind them that there’s only one minute left in that five-minute countdown.
- Calmly declare that their time is up.
- Tune in as they respond with, “Just one more second.”
- Firmly use your “serious parent” voice to warn that you might have to take the device away.
- Observe an eye roll that would win an Oscar for best performance.
- Threaten to not only confiscate the device but also send them to their room if the eye-rolling continues.
- Listen as they adamantly insist they did not roll their eyes at all.
- Remind them that every lie they tell causes a puppy somewhere to lose its chance at life.
- Realize they have managed to keep playing Minecraft with one eye while the other is rolling.
- Reiterate that Electronic Hour has officially ended.
- Watch them slam their device on the table, grunt, and immediately declare they are bored.
- Suggest a myriad of fun activities that don’t involve a screen, drawing upon nostalgic games you enjoyed as a child, like kickball and hopscotch.
- Witness the transformation from your sweet child into an irritable creature, with the struggle of boredom etched on their face.
- Explain that if this spoiled behavior continues, electronics will be permanently banned—an empty threat, but if you maintain eye contact and confidence, it might work.
- Watch as they leap off the couch, emitting a high-pitched screech that could break glass, flailing their arms like a cartoon chicken.
- Calmly announce that their device is now off-limits for 24 hours and encourage them to pull it together.
- Observe them opening and closing their mouth like a fish, seemingly at a loss for words, before storming upstairs.
- As they ascend, you hear cries of “You’re ruining my life!” and “I’m moving out!”—though you’re not sure what 12-year-olds can do in the workforce, you quickly jot down potential employers.
- They may return five minutes later to “apologize” and request their device back.
- Upon hearing a firm “No,” they will likely repeat their earlier antics but also claim you are “unreasonable” and “overreacting.”
- Take a moment to lick your wounds—perhaps it’s time for a lime and shot of tequila!
If any of this resonates with your experiences, your child might just be a little too hooked on electronics. Welcome to the club! I’m seriously considering starting a support group—requirements include humor, a drink, and a charger.
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In summary, recognizing the signs of electronic addiction in children can help parents guide their kids toward a healthier balance between screen time and other activities.