After hitting the big 4-0, I sensed a shift within me that I couldn’t quite articulate. I felt bloated, light-headed, irritable, and achy all the time. My body seemed to be morphing in ways I didn’t approve of. Suddenly, I had crow’s feet, my hair turned dry and frizzy, and I found myself weighing more than I had without changing my diet. My initial thought was that I must have caught some rare tropical disease, but the truth was far less dramatic—I was entering perimenopause.
Perimenopause is that transitional stage leading up to menopause, which can stretch on for several years. It’s been described as puberty in reverse, a frenzied roller coaster ride, only this time, you’re facing the wrong way. As someone who struggles with even mild amusement park rides, this journey is not a pleasant one.
Here’s how perimenopause is wreaking havoc on my life:
- My Period Is Out to Get Me
In my younger years, my menstrual cycle was predictable and uneventful. Now, it’s like a surprise party I never wanted. One moment, I’m trying to dodge a pregnancy scare, and the next, my period shows up uninvited every two weeks, inevitably when I’m wearing white pants. The duration is a mystery too; it can last anywhere from two days to an astonishing twelve. Just last month, I felt like my uterus was staging a rebellion, and I want my old, boring cycles back! - Sleep Is a Fading Memory
Every night, I promise myself it’ll be different. I’ll go to bed early and sleep soundly. Instead, I’m up every couple of hours like a newborn. I toss and turn, trying to quiet my racing thoughts, but sleep eludes me. This leaves me perpetually exhausted, relying on coffee to function—except my body no longer processes caffeine the way it used to. Picture me wandering the aisles of Walmart in a caffeine-induced frenzy. Not a pretty sight. - Weight Gain Without Explanation
No, I’m not expecting—just painfully bloated. I never thought I’d embrace elastic waistbands, but here I am. Despite eating healthier than ever, my metabolism has hit a standstill. I used to munch on junk food and remain a size four; now, a single Cheeto feels like a gateway to a larger dress size. - Strange Hair Growth
I used to chuckle at older women with wiry chin hairs, but now I understand the struggle all too well. Those pesky hairs can sprout seemingly overnight, and it’s like I’m turning into a cartoon character. - Incontinence Is My New Normal
I find myself sneezing, laughing, or even jumping, only to realize my body has other plans. It’s like my plumbing system is in dire need of repairs. - Wild Mood Swings
PMS is making its grand exit with a bang. I’m irritable over the smallest things—like a trip to IKEA or running out of tortilla chips. I often fantasize about getting a job in a haunted house just to release my frustration. - Skin Changes Are Alarming
I’ve noticed my skin becoming dry and wrinkled, to the point where I feel like I could use some moisturizer on my arms and chest. I recently spotted an age spot on my hand and heard rumors about them appearing in more intimate locations. Great—just what I always wanted. - Memory Issues
Brain fog has become my constant companion. I often find myself standing in a room, completely oblivious to why I entered. I need an external hard drive for my thoughts—maybe I should start taking notes on my skin! - Emotional Overload
I cry at the most random things. Just last week, I wept at a high school marching band and found myself misty-eyed during a puppet show. Watching children ride a carousel? Cue the tears. - Temperature Regulation Is a Mystery
My body’s thermostat has gone haywire. I’m wearing cardigans in the summer and swimsuits in frigid temperatures. Nothing feels right anymore.
Despite the chaos that perimenopause brings, I’ve come to realize that I’m not alone in this journey. It’s confusing and unpredictable, but understanding that this is a normal phase of life helps. Once this chapter ends, I’m planning a big celebration—or maybe just a much-deserved nap.
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Summary:
Perimenopause is a challenging transition marked by unpredictable periods, sleep disturbances, weight gain, mood swings, and emotional upheavals. While it can feel overwhelming at times, recognizing these changes as part of a normal life stage can provide some comfort. When this phase finally concludes, it deserves a celebration.