Our family recently returned from a long weekend getaway in the beautiful hills of upstate New York. This trip is a cherished tradition for my partner, Alex, and me that dates back over 15 years, long before our car became a mobile snack station for our lively children. As we departed the city, I found myself reminiscing about those early days of our marriage—not the blissful silence or exhilarating freedom, but rather the frequent arguments stemming from Alex’s questionable sense of direction. To put it plainly, he has none.
Navigating out of the New York City area at any time before 10 p.m. on a weekday is a challenge; there are countless routes, but some are veritable traps. For years, we’ve tried to take a shortcut through Westchester to reach the highway heading north, but we often misjudge the way—resulting in us getting stuck on the Major Deegan (a regrettable choice) or caught in the mind-numbing traffic heading toward the George Washington Bridge.
Now, I should clarify that I’m not the one behind the wheel when it comes to city driving; the thought terrifies me. While I occasionally take over once we leave the urban chaos, Alex enjoys driving far more than I do, so he typically takes the lead. I manage the packing, wrangling the kids, and handing out snacks, so I naturally expect him to navigate us correctly. After all these years, you’d think he’d have the route down pat—or at least check the map beforehand. But no, this year was no different. After loading the car with our bags and kids, Alex began to contemplate our route. As I’ve done countless times before, I felt a familiar irritation bubbling up. “Didn’t you check the directions?” I asked. Of course, he hadn’t. His pride was at play; he believed he could figure it out.
Predictably, we made a few wrong turns and ended up on the Major Deegan, stuck in stop-and-go traffic. Yet, as we sat there, something unexpected happened. To my astonishment, the children were in good spirits. Our youngest was counting trucks while our eight-year-old engaged Alex in conversation, who was happily pointing out various vehicles to our toddler.
With no pressing obligations, I found myself enjoying the time spent in the car with my family. Surprisingly, the irritation over Alex’s poor navigation faded into the background. I had allowed myself to let go of the need to argue about his mistakes. Instead of focusing on what he did wrong, I appreciated how he effortlessly entertained both kids, showcasing his understanding of their personalities and interests. I recalled how he reads to our eight-year-old every evening and sings our two-year-old to sleep with stories. I admired the dedication he shows by waking up at 5 a.m. for his job in order to be home by 4 p.m. to spend quality time with our children.
Over the years, I have come to realize that there are more significant aspects of our relationship than the little annoyances. In the early days of our marriage, I held onto a vision of what my partner should be, striving to change him, to mold him into that ideal. But I’ve since learned that his other qualities far outweigh his lack of direction.
As we approach 15 years of marriage, I find myself increasingly letting go of the things that used to irritate me. I now understand I will likely never have a husband who washes dishes the way I do or remembers to take out the trash without a reminder. He isn’t particularly handy, struggles with cooking, and has a tendency to misplace his wallet. I could easily fixate on these shortcomings—indeed, I have at times—but I’m learning that the key to a successful marriage lies in accepting him as he is rather than clinging to an unrealistic ideal of what he should be.
I recognize how fortunate I am. If Alex couldn’t be present for our family—emotionally or physically—our marriage would struggle to thrive. When something minor does bother me, I communicate it, and he is always willing to listen and improve. But I’ve also come to understand that some battles are worth fighting, while others simply are not. Ultimately, if there’s anyone I’d want to get lost with, it’s him.
For further insights on family and parenting, check out some of our other blog posts, including those on home insemination, to keep the conversation going. If you’re looking for resources on pregnancy, this link provides excellent information. And if you’re interested in fertility, you might find this authority on the subject helpful.
Summary
The journey of marriage involves accepting imperfections, like a partner’s navigation skills, while recognizing their strengths. It’s about letting go of irritations and embracing the love and support they bring to the family.