This November, I hit the milestone of 46. I felt sluggish, distracted, and a bit droopy. One restless night, I jolted awake at 1:24 a.m., convinced I could hear someone downstairs playing a single piano note repeatedly for hours. My hair had a mind of its own, and I seemed to have misplaced my sense of humor. For the first time, I sensed the weight of adulthood pressing down on me—an unfamiliar feeling that I wasn’t quite ready to embrace.
Then came my birthday. I awoke to my kids and partner serenading me, showering me with gifts and affection. Maybe 46 could be enjoyable after all! My day unfolded like a typical 2015 affair: scrolling through Facebook. Messages from friends, family, and even a few past colleagues flooded in, each one a reminder of the years gone by.
What struck me was not the weight of the years but rather the abundance—an increase in connections, cherished memories, and love. I realized, “Time has equipped me to embrace more of everything in life.” For the first time, I understood the saying, “I’m not old; I’m just seasoned.”
Among the flood of messages, three photos stood out. My sister shared a baby picture of me, gazing longingly at a pastry shop window—some things never change, I’m still a dessert lover! An old friend posted a page from a notebook where I had penned a poem for her, marking my first writing gig. And my college roommate shared a snapshot from my 26th birthday dinner, where I looked vibrant and carefree, sporting curls, a tan, and a beaming smile. My family’s reactions were telling: my partner reminisced about how I looked when we first met, my daughter declared I was “pretty,” and my son was puzzled, asking, “Who is that?”
Despite the years slipping by unnoticed, I had journeyed far in two decades. Yet, staring into the mirror on my 46th birthday, I wasn’t thrilled with the reflection. I was beginning to see the signs of aging, but I resolved to change that. The day after my birthday, life’s routine of work and chores made my resolution fade from my mind. However, a quieter part of me began taking action over the following months, working behind the scenes to implement my plan.
I started reconnecting with friends who truly mattered and let go of the negativity from others. I reduced my Facebook scrolling and prioritized quality time with family. I read more books, snacked less, and prepared for a vibrant spring garden. We jumped on the bed, searched for sea glass, and turned the kitchen into a laboratory with fizzy, bubbly science experiments. Laughter filled our home, and I found myself smiling more often.
Now, nearly three months post-birthday, I woke up, grabbed my book, hit the gym, and savored a simple breakfast. I styled my newly permed curls, donned hoop earrings, slid into my favorite ripped jeans, and scuffed shoes, and looked in the mirror. To my surprise, my 26-year-old self smiled back at me. Sure, there are a few bags under my eyes and that lingering baby weight (my youngest is 8, after all), but I felt more confident and fulfilled than I did at 26. It’s a fair trade-off.
So, if you find yourself grappling with a midlife crisis, my suggestion is simple: pick an age—any age—and reflect on what made you feel your best back then. That essence is still within you; you may just need to unearth it. All that digging is worthwhile, as your best midlife self may be a hidden treasure that only you can discover.
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In summary, embracing your past while navigating the present can lead to a more fulfilling future. Don’t hesitate to dig deep and reconnect with the best version of yourself.