Let’s start this tale in the family minivan.
As a mom, I find myself listening to pop radio on repeat, thanks to my kids’ obsession with tunes from former Disney stars. While I don’t mind the current pop scene and even enjoy a fair share of it, I often wonder where the love songs for couples in long-term marriages have gone. Take Selena Gomez’s “Love You Like a Love Song” for instance; it leaves me contemplating the absence of relatable tunes for us middle-aged married folks.
Now, before we veer off course, let’s address my age—38. Sure, the older ladies might chime in with “You’re still so young!” while my peers insist that fortysomething is the new 29. But let’s be real: my knee cracks when I dance, and I often doze off after just one glass of wine. Ladies, the average life expectancy for American women is about 81, so, yes, we are in the middle-aged zone.
Still not convinced? Ask yourself this: Are you more thrilled by thoughts of intimacy or a freshly brewed cup of coffee? I thought so.
Being in this stage of life comes with its perks. If we’re married and in our middle age, we truly understand one another. We know that his aching back can complicate certain romantic escapades, and he’s aware that a lacy nightgown isn’t on the menu anymore. If he’s willing to guide us out of our oversized t-shirts, then hey, game on! It’s not always about candlelit dinners and flirtatious glances, but we’ve definitely mastered the art of finding each other’s sweet spots—especially when we’ve got mere minutes before the kids or the dog come barging in.
That’s why I struggle to connect with contemporary pop love songs. I mean, I’ve seen Selena Gomez perform for my kids as a wizard in a place called Waverly, which certainly doesn’t help. For example, those lyrics from “Love You Like a Love Song”: “You are beautiful, like a dream come alive, incredible.”
“Love You Like a Grocery Trip”
I forgot the milk,
So you saved me again by grabbing some,
While you’re out, can you pick up some bread, dear?
Just one more, so the kids can munch when lunch draws near.
You’re a lifesaver, babe, I’ve already made two trips today,
Reliable, cuddly, partners in this game.
When you get home, honey,
Netflix and chill—maybe.
[Chorus]
I, I love you for picking up a gallon,
I, I love you for picking up a gallon,
I, I love you for picking up a gallon,
So I can rub your feet, feet, feet, feet, feet.
Selena isn’t the only artist whose songs feel a bit out of touch. If you’re a fan of Taylor Swift (who isn’t?), you’ll know “Blank Space” is a catchy tune about dating while dealing with some mental health challenges. Fun? Absolutely! But relatable for those of us with kids, pets, and houseplants? Not really. We can’t just whisk away for a spontaneous weekend trip.
These days, we’re more interested in avoiding drama and bad boys. Our empty spaces are filled with unread books and the long naps we desperately crave—more than we miss our youthful figures.
“Blank Stare”
I can’t find it. Where’s it gone?
Left my libido somewhere, I swear.
Nightstand? Closet? Push-up bra?
I used to be eager—oh my God,
This isn’t me; yesterday I was 20.
Sex drive has slipped away,
New panties ’cause I’m trying,
Saw a tip in a magazine,
“How to Please an Aging Guy.”
And I know it’s about you and me,
So let’s stretch first,
Surely it can’t get any worse,
Than that time we tried that swing,
I couldn’t even stand straight for most of that weekend.
[Pre-Chorus]
This is gonna last forever,
Or it’s perimenopause.
Want to nap until it’s over,
Think some lube could help the cause.
Got a long list of desires,
But just not in my loins,
And I know you’d love some fire
Down in my groin.
[Chorus]
‘Cause we’re older than we once were,
We could pull a hammy, sure,
But I’m the madam to your sir,
So please, lock that bedroom door.
Got a long list of new ailments,
Hormonal, not insane!
Explains this blank stare, baby,
Let’s give it another go?
If you’re craving something more groovy, why not turn to Marvin Gaye? His “Let’s Get It On” kicks off with “I’ve been really tryin’, baby,” which perfectly encapsulates the middle-aged love life. But keep putting in the effort because one perk of intimacy in your 40s is not having to teach a 20-year-old what they’re doing wrong.
For more insightful discussions on parenting and intimacy, check out this enlightening article or explore this resource on home insemination techniques. Additionally, American Pregnancy offers valuable information for those interested in donor insemination.
Summary:
In this playful and relatable exploration of love songs for middle-aged couples, Emily Carter humorously reinterprets popular hits to reflect the realities of long-term marriage. From grocery runs to the challenges of intimacy, she captures the essence of love in this stage of life, reminding us that while things may change, the connection remains.