It’s a well-worn saying, but time really does fly. It feels like just yesterday I was knee-deep in diapers and dealing with endless tantrums. While life may have gotten easier in some respects—goodbye stinky diapers, hello stinky sports bags—there are still plenty of challenges that come with parenting an almost-teen. Juggling their desire for freedom with my comfort level while setting clear and safe boundaries is a constant balancing act.
I definitely don’t hover over my son like a helicopter parent, but I recognize that the world is a different place than it was when I was a kid, roaming freely with friends. I genuinely believe in giving him some independence; we live in a safe neighborhood, and I’d much prefer he rides his bike outside than be glued to a violent video game. Yet, I worry about the risks, especially since his young brain might not fully grasp how dangerous it can be to race down the street on a bicycle.
So, how can I allow my child to explore the world while keeping him safe? I’m sure I’m not alone in grappling with these issues, so here are five strategies that help me strike a balance between freedom and responsibility for my almost-teen (most of the time—I’m no expert!).
1. Stay Informed
I make sure to know where my son is, who he’s with, and when he’ll be home. This clarity allows me to address any unexpected changes to our plans.
2. Communication via Technology
Since most kids have phones nowadays, my rule is simple: if I call, you answer. If I text, I expect a reply in a timely manner. If that doesn’t happen, let’s just say his next outing with friends may not go as planned.
3. Know His Friends
It’s important to familiarize myself with my son’s friends so I know who he spends his time with. I strive to create a welcoming home where his friends feel comfortable hanging out. Setting up a cozy space for them to chill can make all the difference.
4. Social Media Savvy
Is your child on Instagram? Snapchat? TikTok? It’s crucial to be aware of the social media platforms they use. Ignoring this aspect of their lives won’t help anyone. I keep communication open and make it clear that since I pay for his phone, I also have access to its passcode. We have an understanding that I can follow him on social media, as long as I keep my comments to myself.
5. The 3 Cs of Parenting
My go-to principles are communication, consistency, and consequences. If I articulate my expectations clearly and he doesn’t follow them, I’m consistent with consequences. Of course, these consequences vary with age and the rule that was broken—what worked when he was younger might not cut it now, but taking away screen time certainly does!
As kids grow, their desire for freedom increases, while parents naturally want to ensure their safety. If we view this as a compromise rather than a tug-of-war—like acknowledging that they may not be as responsible as we wish, but can handle a bit less freedom—it can make the journey smoother. Of course, facing the storm of puberty is a whole other story!
For more tips on navigating parenting challenges, check out our other blog post here.
In summary, balancing freedom and safety for my almost-teenager involves clear communication, understanding their social environment, and being consistent with expectations. Parenting is about compromise, and while it can be tough at times, it’s all part of the journey.