In this year-long series, a stay-at-home mom shares her experiences as her youngest daughter embarks on her senior year of high school and navigates the college admissions journey. At the same time, she reflects on her own transition towards an empty nest and contemplates her future now that her primary role as a caregiver is coming to an end.
For me, August has always marked the fading days of summer. The sun sets a little earlier, back-to-school ads fill the airwaves, and autumn decorations begin to appear in stores. This August, however, signifies a much larger transition for me. My baby girl is gearing up for her senior year, which means in just a year, I’ll be feeling the pangs of an empty nest as she heads off to college.
Eighteen years ago, I made the decision to leave my position as the managing editor of a small publishing house in New York to embrace the life of a stay-at-home mom. At that time, I had a three-year-old daughter and was four months pregnant with my younger one. My job satisfaction was waning, and the long two-hour commute from New Jersey made it clear that balancing work and family was becoming increasingly difficult.
My husband and I worried about finances, but we decided to take a leap of faith. I would dedicate one year to being home with our new baby, after which I would seek out a more fulfilling job closer to home. “Just one year,” I told him the night before I resigned.
That one year quickly transformed into two, then five, and ultimately, eighteen. During those years, I occasionally explored job opportunities, even going on interviews and receiving offers. Yet, each time, I hesitated. Despite the financial strain—I fully acknowledged how fortunate I was to have the option—I cherished being home. I became actively involved in my daughters’ elementary school, founded a small nonprofit, and returned to my roots as a writer, penning freelance articles for a local paper. I even wrote and self-published three novels and had essays featured on various platforms. Every year, I asked myself if this would be the year I re-entered the workforce, and every year, I found reasons to stay home.
My youngest daughter has required my full attention. When asked why I don’t work, I gently clarify that I don’t work outside the home. This usually comes up at social gatherings. I explain that my daughter is my job—she has needed my support every moment of every day, even during school hours, especially when she’s at home.
But now the time has come for her to spread her wings. We toured colleges last year; she’s crafted her list, completed her SATs and ACTs, and secured teacher recommendations. She’s eagerly anticipating college while also feeling apprehensive. The thought of being away from home, even for a sleepover, makes her uneasy. Yet, she’s excited about the prospect of meeting new people, gaining independence, and finding her own place in the world.
As I assist her with this significant milestone, I feel a mix of joy and nostalgia. The key question now is where her next chapter will begin. Will it be at the small school across the country with its unique block scheduling? The liberal arts state school where she felt an instant connection? Or perhaps a larger private college just a four-hour drive away, offering a wealth of majors to choose from? What will she be doing this time next year?
Another question looms for me: What will I be doing a year from now? What is my next step? Many of my friends have gone back to work—some full-time—while juggling childcare during their kids’ younger years. They now enjoy the fruits of their labor with promotions and increased responsibilities. Others returned to work part-time or pursued advanced degrees to re-enter the job market. Meanwhile, I’ve remained on the sidelines.
Will I venture back into the working world? Should I consider volunteering in a field that interests me? Or perhaps take some time to adjust to my daughter’s absence? Should I explore something entirely new, or stick with writing? I could write novels indefinitely, but is that enough?
At 47, after dedicating 21 years to raising my children, I find myself at a crossroads. It’s the beginning of the end for both of us.
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Summary:
In this reflective piece, a mother navigates the bittersweet transition of her youngest daughter entering her senior year of high school, prompting her to consider her own journey as her role evolves towards an empty nest. From memories of the past to the uncertain yet hopeful future, both mother and daughter are on the brink of significant life changes.