Over the past two days, I found myself seriously scrutinizing another mom. I know I shouldn’t be judgmental, but just look at this mom I’ve been critiquing…
- She didn’t have her children naturally and stopped breastfeeding much earlier than I would have.
- She treats her toddlers to donuts before naptime. Yes, donuts!
- She also gives them apple juice right before bed.
- When her son spilled her coffee, she yelled at him.
- To top it off, she still gives a bottle to her one-year-old.
- Her three-year-old is still in diapers.
- I witnessed her kids dart away from her outside multiple times this week, while she chased them, spilling the contents of her purse and tripping over the ends of her yoga pants, which she wears every day.
- She doesn’t shower daily.
- I caught her hiding in the kitchen, munching on peanut butter M&M’s, while her one-year-old threw a fit.
- She lets her kids cry it out sometimes, but not always. Can’t she pick a consistent method?
- In nearly every photo she shares on social media, her kids are running around without clothes.
- She keeps her kids in a Super Play Yard, which feels like baby jail.
- I saw her kids spill Cheerios on the floor and then eat them!
- She openly bribes them in public with cookies.
- She even fell asleep on the couch while her kids sat glued to the TV, in their playpen, eating Cheerios off the ground.
- At the grocery store, her son wouldn’t stop standing up in the cart, while his sibling tried to open a bottle of shampoo—likely wanting to drink it!
- Every mealtime, her oldest cries about having to eat—except when she offers him donuts.
- She drinks Diet Coke every day.
- Her apartment tends to be messy, decorated with random DIY “art,” and her furniture doesn’t match.
- She keeps saying she’s going to start exercising or go on a diet, but I haven’t seen any change in her appearance at all. Her clothes are plain, and she could use a haircut.
- Her family is always late for everything.
- Her one-year-old sometimes wakes up at night and takes ages to fall asleep.
- She craves alone time and occasionally wishes for a few days without her kids. Why does she need alone time? She’s a stay-at-home mom, after all, spending her days in yoga pants and lounging on the couch. Isn’t her whole life a break?
That mom I’ve been judging sounds pretty terrible, doesn’t she?
Oh, wait— that mom is actually ME.
Lately, I’ve been in a phase where I worry so much about what others think of me and my parenting that I’ve been hiding away. I seldom take my kids out for fear of meltdowns, disobedience, or having my own meltdown. I try to keep many of our parenting choices under wraps, knowing someone will probably disapprove. I won’t even let my husband share a photo on social media if it doesn’t look pristine or if you can see my youngest with a bottle. My life has become so consumed by others’ opinions that I’ve forgotten to enjoy it.
My new mantra is: WHO CARES?!
The only reason people judge others’ parenting is to feel better about their own flaws. Sometimes when people offer advice, it’s out of genuine care and a desire to help. I don’t have to take their advice, but I can listen without being defensive.
I may not be perfect, but I am a GOOD mom, and I truly believe that. From now on, let others criticize my parenting all they want—I even did them a favor by writing this list!
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Summary:
In this candid reflection, I share my harsh self-judgment as a mother, revealing insecurities I have about my parenting choices. Despite my flaws, I remind myself that I am doing my best, and I strive to let go of the fear of judgment from others. I encourage readers to embrace their unique paths in parenting and not let external opinions dictate their happiness.