As my high school senior prepares for his journey into college life, I’ve realized that my previous parenting approach—let’s call it “Optimistic Denial”—where I assumed he’d never engage with girls, substances, or alcohol, might not hold up. Acknowledging the potential flaws in that strategy, I’ve begun to blur out some key advice regarding responsible drinking, especially now that he’s set to attend Big U, the Party Central of campuses.
With this in mind, I compiled a list of my most important blurts, which I plan to weave into our conversations. Here’s how I envision it going:
Son: Is there anything to drink, Mom?
Me: Remember, you don’t have to drink just to fit in with your friends.
Son: Seriously?
Me: Always arrive and leave together. No one should be left behind.
Son: Got it.
Me: Don’t accept drinks from strangers; always get your own.
Son: What’s your deal?
Me: Shots might sound fun, but they can cloud your judgment about taking more shots.
Son: Were you listening to that podcast again?
Me: Aim to be the most sober person in the room.
Son: Who are you even talking to?
Me: If you think twerking is a good idea, think again.
Son: Can we not?
Me: When the atmosphere shifts from fun to uncomfortable, it’s time to stop.
Son: Mom, come on!
Me: If either of you is intoxicated, don’t complicate things further. Decisions about intimacy need clarity.
Son: Oh my goodness!
Me: Same goes for tattoos—think it through.
Son: Seriously, stop!
Me: Don’t get in a vehicle unless the driver is completely sober.
Son: I’m outta here.
Me: Crosswalks are there for a reason; use them!
Son: (storming off)
Me: If you’re unsure about calling for help, just do it. No one recovers from a bad decision after it’s too late.
Son: (slams door)
Me: And remember, the walk of shame has its consequences—clean up after yourself!
This could be the start of a whole new parenting style: “Blurt Parenting.” If it proves effective, I might just pen a guide. If not, I’ll need to rethink my approach for my younger child.
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In summary, as my son transitions into college life, I’m embracing a more candid approach to share essential life lessons about drinking responsibly. This blend of humor and direct advice aims to prepare him for the choices he will face.