This article is part of our three-part series, “Heading Off to College,” aimed at helping parents prepare their teens for this significant life transition. In June, we discussed essential conversations to have with your soon-to-be college freshman and highlighted what factors contribute to a successful first year. In July, we provided insights on dorm shopping and shared tips for saving money.
August focuses on the practicalities of moving in and adjusting to life without your child at home. It’s a month filled with mixed emotions—where pride and sadness coexist in a delicate balance.
Nearly two decades ago, the arrival of our children transformed our lives completely. Now, we face another monumental shift as they head off to college. Be patient with yourself; adjusting to this change will take time. The first transition left me feeling overwhelmed, so it’s no surprise that this one does too.
As August unfolds, the countdown begins—first months, then weeks, and finally days. I found myself grappling with a thought: You can feel the pain now or later, but you will feel it. When interviewed by a well-known journalist, I candidly admitted that I was in denial about my son leaving for college. I realized that worrying would only harm him, so I chose to put off facing the reality until the day arrived.
Here are three essential steps to help you navigate move-in day and the emotional separation that follows:
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Organize Move-In Day
Check your freshman’s university website for the move-in schedule and any programming designed for families or students. Attending family orientation—whether it lasts a few hours or a full day—can help you feel more connected to your child’s new environment. Consider booking accommodations for both move-in day and parents’ weekend early, especially if the school is in an area with limited hotel options.Some families prefer to arrive a day or two ahead of time to familiarize themselves with the campus, while others choose to arrive just before or on the day of the move-in. It’s entirely personal; I opted for a swift approach: get my child settled and leave quickly, as lingering felt like intruding on their new chapter.
On move-in day, consider visiting the health center to have your child sign a consent form, allowing medical professionals to communicate with you if necessary. You’ll appreciate having this done if an emergency arises.
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Plan Your Farewell
After making the bed in your child’s dorm room, you may feel more like a visitor than a parent. You’ve listened to speeches from university officials, met your child’s roommate’s parents, and organized their belongings. But the hardest part is yet to come—saying goodbye.Most colleges schedule a designated farewell moment, so be prepared for that. Ignoring it may lead to awkward situations. Your child will likely shift their focus to their peers and orientation activities. Some parents opt for a final meal together, but I recommend keeping it brief—like pulling off a Band-Aid, just do it and don’t look back.
Colleges understand this emotional moment; they want parents to leave, so they establish these goodbyes. While many admit to crying on the way home, it’s best to maintain composure on campus. Your child is already experiencing heightened emotions, and you don’t want to add to their stress.
Marshall P. Duke, a psychology professor with over 40 years of experience in observing college farewells, emphasizes the significance of this moment. He encourages parents to think about the lasting words they wish to impart to their children as they embark on this new journey. This is a chance to share meaningful insights, not trivial advice.
So, plan your move-in day carefully, adhere to the university’s farewell schedule, and consider leaving a heartfelt letter filled with your best wishes for your child to find later.
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Establish Communication
To stay informed about campus life, think about reading the university’s daily newspaper online or subscribing to their parent emails. Bookmark the parent section of the school’s website for important dates like parents’ weekend or holidays. Joining parent associations can also provide valuable insights without feeling intrusive.While the common advice is to give your child space, don’t hesitate to check in more frequently at first. Freshmen often grapple with homesickness; a simple text or call can reassure them that they’re not alone during this transition.
Remember the times when your child would run to you at the playground? College is similar, but this time, they’re letting go of their childhood—and so are we.
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Summary:
As your child prepares to leave for college, it’s essential to organize move-in day, plan an appropriate goodbye, and establish effective communication. This transition is significant for both parents and children. Embrace the mixed emotions, and remember that these moments are fleeting yet impactful.