“Have you thought about returning to work full-time?”
I tucked a stray hair behind my ear as a solitary tear slipped down my cheek. My husband, Mark, carefully continued, “It just feels like you’re not… happy.” His words struck deep, as I navigated the chaos of being a mom to two young kids, and the weight was becoming almost unbearable. My daily routine revolved around two relentless demands: nursing a newborn and potty training a toddler. One was always hungry, while the other had his own struggles—constantly. Picture this: by 9 a.m., 11 a.m., or even 3:38 p.m., you’d find me in the bathroom, coaxing one child to use the toilet while simultaneously nursing the other. Add mountains of laundry and dishes to the cacophony of crying kids, and I was starting to feel trapped in my own life.
Each evening, Mark returned home to the same scene: our two-and-a-half-year-old sprawled on the floor with a tummy ache, our four-month-old wailing, and me on the verge of a breakdown.
It became a ritual—Mark would walk in at precisely 6:02 p.m., only for me to promptly hand over the kids along with a torrent of complaints, before retreating to the bathroom for a brief moment of solitude. Every night, my steadfast partner took on the parenting duties while I vented about my exhausting day. I felt compelled to let him know just how hard it was, how drained and hopeless I felt by dinner time. My rants flowed freely, detailing the struggles of spit-up, failed naps, grocery store tantrums, and crushed Cheerios scattered across the kitchen floor.
I had morphed into the ultimate complainant, with our kids at the forefront of my daily grievances. I became someone I didn’t even recognize—the whiny victim who seemed to laugh less and complain more. I wanted to stop, but the negativity poured out of me like a flood, and I couldn’t rein it in.
It’s no surprise that eventually, Mark began to wonder if I might be happier if I returned to a full-time job outside the home. Truth be told, I’d pondered that myself. However, his question highlighted a more significant issue in our household—it wasn’t the kids causing my distress; it was my attitude. I was focusing too much on the negative aspects, allowing my daily report to tilt heavily toward the dark side.
Once upon a time, in a previous chapter of our lives, Mark and I both held full-time jobs outside the home. We shared similar experiences: the stress of deadlines, the nuances of a 30-minute commute, and the annoyance of conference calls. Each evening, we’d exchange work stories over leisurely dinners—can you imagine that now? Our lives seemed perfectly in sync.
Fast forward to now: Mark is still thriving in his career while I juggle part-time work from home alongside caring for our two little ones. Since transitioning to a work-at-home mom, I’ve become obsessed with making Mark truly understand what it’s like to care for children all day. I felt the need to constantly illustrate the physical and emotional toll motherhood was taking on me, as if he needed to grasp it fully to appreciate my struggles.
I vividly recall one of the first times I left Mark alone with both kids for a morning. Upon returning, it looked like a tornado had hit. Toys were everywhere, yogurt was spilled on the floor, and was that Elmo dangling from the ceiling fan? Mark’s expression said it all, but then he spoke nine magical words: “I can’t believe you handle this every day.”
In that moment, I felt a wave of relief wash over me. “That’s the best thing you could say,” I replied with a grateful smile. I craved that validation—that acknowledgment that caring for two little ones was not only challenging for me, but also for him. Those words echoed in my mind, and I wanted them plastered everywhere around us.
However, the real turning point came that night in the kitchen when Mark innocently asked if I’d be happier if I returned to a full-time role. His concern was genuine, but it made me question my own happiness. Sure, I had frustrating moments, but overall, this was the life I had always dreamed of. I cherished being at home with my kids while pursuing creative endeavors that also helped our family financially. Yes, finding balance was tough, and some days were downright difficult, but when I truly thought about it, there was nowhere I’d rather be—messy Cheerios and all.
In my quest to be understood and appreciated, I had painted a grim picture of our days, neglecting half of the story. Mark only knew what I communicated, and I often focused on the chaos, leaving out the joyful moments. For every tantrum at the grocery store, there was a spontaneous dance party in the kitchen. What if I shifted my daily reports to highlight the positives instead of the negatives? How would that change our evenings, my marriage, and my relationship with the kids?
I realized that it was time for a change. I’m making a mid-year resolution to replace my complaints with gratitude. Every day, I want to identify at least three good things to share with Mark. Whether it’s our boys playing peek-a-boo or their adorable shampoo mohawks after bath time, I want to celebrate the small joys rather than dwell on the tough parts.
Sure, there will still be days that deserve a white flag, but instead of unloading a barrage of complaints, I’ll use a code phrase to communicate that the day has been overwhelming. “Want to pick up Chipotle for dinner?” He’ll know exactly what that means without me having to elaborate on the chaos. When he walks through that door at 6:02 p.m., I hope to be met with the same reassuring response: “I can’t believe you handle this every day.”
In the end, it’s about finding a balance. Motherhood is a wild ride filled with ups and downs, but it’s also a journey worth sharing.
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Summary
This article reflects on the challenges and triumphs of motherhood, emphasizing the importance of shifting perspectives from negativity to positivity. It explores the daily struggles of parenting, the desire for validation, and the realization that happiness can be found amidst chaos. By focusing on the good, the author aims to foster stronger relationships and a more fulfilling family life.