The other day, while running errands, I tuned into a classic rock station and was shocked to hear Eddie Vedder from Pearl Jam belting out “Even Flow.” When did ’90s grunge become classic rock? I have long since retired my flannel shirts and combat boots, but this realization hit me hard. I guess it’s a sign of the times—and maybe I’m a bit classic myself! Despite that, I don’t feel older, aside from the occasional aftermath of a wine-induced hangover that keeps me down for days, a feat my younger self would have recovered from in a heartbeat.
As I approach 39, with my 40th birthday just around the corner, I remember my tumultuous 30th, spent in tears after a breakup in New Orleans. This time, I’m ready for whatever my 40s might bring. Although I don’t feel aged, I do feel a sense of wisdom. I wouldn’t trade my youthful body for the world, but the lessons I learned during my late teens and 20s are invaluable. Here are the five that resonate with me the most:
1. Embrace Your Limitations
In my late teens and early 20s, I thought I had life all figured out. I was certain I understood relationships, careers, and parenting. I was quick to judge myself and others, believing that formal education was the key to knowledge. Looking back, I wish someone had pointed out that no one can know everything. Informal experiences often teach us more than textbooks ever could—a lesson I’m reminded of as I work on my PhD.
2. Your Path Isn’t Set in Stone
Society often pressures young adults to map out their futures: good grades, college, marriage, kids, and a stable job. While goals are essential for motivation, they aren’t rigid. As I navigated various career opportunities, I learned that it’s perfectly acceptable to shift direction and embrace new possibilities. Life is about growth and exploration.
3. Love Your Body
I’ve battled body image issues for most of my life, and my early 20s were no exception. Influences from my mother and societal standards had me feeling less than adequate. I wish I could have told my younger self to appreciate my body instead of focusing on diets and gym memberships. At one point, I started a habit of standing in front of the mirror and finding three things I loved about myself. Whether it was the curve of my hips, the sparkle in my eyes, or the tone of my legs, this practice transformed my self-perception.
4. Live Within Your Means
Many of us learn the value of a dollar as teenagers. I worked hard to buy designer jeans and trendy clothes, thinking that more money meant more stuff. By 25, I had a closet full of clothes but little else to show for my hard work. It wasn’t until I became a mother that I truly understood the difference between needs and wants, and the importance of being financially savvy.
5. Differentiate Between Smart Risks and Foolish Choices
We often hear that without risk, there’s no reward. However, some risks—like wandering alone in unfamiliar cities, driving after drinks, or meeting strangers from chat rooms—are downright foolish. Thankfully, I emerged from my 20s relatively unscathed, but I know others weren’t so lucky. I learned that taking risks can mean stepping out of your comfort zone without compromising your safety or well-being.
Having spent countless hours mentoring young adults, I recognize that advice often falls on deaf ears. Some lessons are best learned through personal experience. I’m sure that when my daughter turns 18, I’ll be ready with a stockpile of wine and some calming remedies! But for now, I cherish the wisdom that comes with age.
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Summary:
Reflecting on my 20s, I’ve distilled five essential lessons: acknowledging your limitations, being open to change, embracing body positivity, understanding financial responsibility, and recognizing the difference between smart risks and foolish decisions. These insights have shaped my perspective as I approach my 40s and continue to grow.