Well, the moment we’ve all dreaded has arrived. Late last night, our little one, Liam, unexpectedly walked in on us… well, you know, in a rather compromising position. We had no idea how long he had been standing there, quietly observing, until he finally piped up with, “I can’t sleep…”
Time stopped. After what felt like an eternity, he added, “And yes, I can see you.” Oh boy.
We quickly disentangled ourselves and threw on some blankets as Liam climbed into bed with us. Within minutes, he was blissfully snoring, while my partner and I, on the other hand, were wide awake. I stared at the ceiling, replaying the cringe-worthy moment in my mind for the next six hours.
The following morning, we decided it was time to have a heart-to-heart with him. We sat down together, hands intertwined, across from him on the couch as he flipped through his favorite cartoons.
“Good morning, buddy. We wanted to discuss, um, last night,” I awkwardly began. “You might have seen something that confused you, so we thought it’d be good to check if you have any questions?”
“Are there any more fruit snacks?” he replied, eyes glued to the TV. But we weren’t giving up. This was a golden opportunity, after all.
I forged ahead. “Sometimes, when grown-ups love each other, they like to have some private time together. In bed.”
“Or sometimes in different places,” my partner chimed in helpfully, before I quickly interjected.
“We care about each other a lot, and sometimes we express that love by being close, sometimes without clothes. It’s completely normal and nothing to feel awkward about.”
“Yeah, it’s like a special occasion, like a comet passing by. If you look too closely, you might get blinded,” he added, clearly missing the mark.
“Remember that book we gave you about how babies are made?” I asked. “Well, we weren’t trying to make a baby…”
“Definitely not,” my partner confirmed, looking a bit too relieved.
“Haha, no way,” I added, the tension easing slightly as we exchanged nervous laughs.
“Can you imagine? A baby right now? No thanks! But the book said that sometimes we share special time together, just because we love each other, and it’s a perfectly natural thing,” I continued.
“When grown-ups really love each other, they sometimes go beyond what’s in the book,” my partner added, trying to lighten the mood.
“Sometimes Daddy gets a bit carried away with movies,” I quipped.
“Yeah, sometimes Daddy forgets to erase his browsing history,” he said with a snicker.
“Or attempts to contort Mommy into a pretzel shape, forgetting that she is not a gymnast,” I said. “Normal bodies don’t bend like that, right?”
“Sometimes, you may hear funny sounds. Mommy makes some high-pitched noises, and that’s just fine,” he went on, really overselling it.
“And sometimes Daddy is so sweaty, it’s like cuddling a seal,” I couldn’t resist throwing in.
“I’d say more like a walrus, but the point is I work very hard for…”
“Okay, let’s steer back on track,” I shot him a look to stop the hilarity.
“Remember when we went to the aquarium? It’s kind of like that, but with more… private parts,” he added.
“Shush. Just stop talking,” I whispered urgently.
“The important thing to remember is that we really love each other, and intimacy is a beautiful part of being an adult, alright?” I concluded, hoping we had sufficiently covered the topic.
“Right, a married adult. A lovely and natural part of being an adult, but only when you’re married and, like, older,” he reinforced.
“Exactly. So, any questions?”
We held our breath, and after a long pause, he finally responded.
“Yes. Are there any more fruit snacks?”
Ah, kids. They really know how to keep things in perspective, don’t they?