My children go wild whenever they see a commercial for the latest bizarre toy while watching their favorite shows. They yell for me to come and witness this so-called “amazing” product until I reluctantly pause what I’m doing to join them in front of the screen. After just a few moments of watching, they switch between pleading for me to buy it—channeling their inner Oliver Twist—and arguing why it’s the best invention ever.
Living with a TV means I face this daily at home, but it escalated when they discovered that Walmart has an entire section dedicated to these oddities. So, when I’m simply out for a laundry basket and some chicken, I get bombarded with requests for items like SpongeBob Chia Pets. It feels like “As Seen on TV” is coming at me from all angles.
Here are a few of my “favorite” items from the As Seen on TV lineup and the reasons why I absolutely refuse to buy them.
Squishy Sand
This product claims to be non-sticky, which, according to its creators, makes it a wonderful toy for indoors! Seriously? I’ve fought the battle of Moon Sand, which promised the same outcome. It ends up getting everywhere, clogging my vacuum and hardening in the carpet. Plus, knowing my kids, they’d likely try to use it as ammunition or see if it could be used as a projectile. No thanks.
Juggle Bubbles
This bubble solution is marketed as magical, allowing you to create bubbles that won’t pop if you wear special gloves. So, I’ll need to buy a set for each child, or risk them popping each other’s bubbles with their bare hands. What happens when those bubbles touch regular surfaces? Do they explode? Do they smell like that cheap plastic bubble solution from childhood? My kids need all the brain cells they can keep, so I’m passing on this one.
Party in the Tub Light
Bath time at my house is chaotic enough without adding this gadget. I’m not about to turn off the lights for a “party” in the bathroom. Wet floors and darkness equal potential disaster for this mama. Sure, the infomercial spins it as a fun way to encourage preteens to wash up, but I’m not interested in turning my kids’ bath time into a rave. What’s next, giving them dance lessons from a famous star? Um, no… for them, anyhow. That might actually be a fun Valentine’s gift for my partner, though.
Hamper Hoops
What a clever idea, they think! A hamper designed like a basketball hoop will get my kids to toss their dirty clothes in. Wrong. Clothes will still end up on the floor, and now the Hamper Hoops would just collect evidence of their mischief, like candy wrappers. Plus, I can only imagine them trying to slam dunk and breaking something in the process—no thanks, I already have enough to deal with!
Tummy Stuffers
These stuffed animals are marketed as a way for kids to clean their rooms by stuffing everything into them. First off, kids need to learn to put things where they belong, not into a plush toy. Plus, my youngest sometimes forgets to throw her used Pull-Ups away. Can you imagine that being stuffed into the same bag as toys and clothes? Gross. I’m definitely passing on this one.
The masterminds behind these As Seen on TV items have turned kids into relentless salespeople, making it feel like there’s a high-pitched salesman following me everywhere, insisting I buy the latest nonsense. The clever producers know that their commercials add to the chaos of parenting, and they thrive on our moments of desperation. If I ever find myself succumbing to the allure of ordering something from As Seen on TV, let’s just hope it’s something genuinely useful, like a dance lesson DVD, rather than a Tummy Stuffer.
For more insights and tips on parenting, be sure to check out our other blog posts on home insemination and parenting resources, like this excellent article on pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
Navigating the world of “As Seen on TV” products is a challenge for parents, as kids are often drawn to the latest bizarre toys and gadgets. From Squishy Sand to Tummy Stuffers, many of these items promise fun but come with significant drawbacks. It’s essential for parents to remain cautious and discerning about what they bring into their homes, especially when it comes to items that could add more chaos to their already busy lives.