“Don’t hesitate to try a nipple shield if you need to,” I shared with a fellow mom the other day. “Cracked nipples? The absolute worst!”
“Ooh, get ready for some very vibrant orange diapers,” I advised another mother about to introduce her little one to sweet potatoes for the first time.
It’s often tricky to discern who is a close friend and who is a chance acquaintance when you’re in the company of new mothers. The challenges we face forge rapid connections that are both strange and comforting. I typically don’t find myself giving intimate advice to strangers, but when a new mama joins our breastfeeding support group? She’s instantly part of the tribe.
This type of closeness brings forth a distinct kind of friendship that I’ve started to differentiate from my previous social experiences. As I navigate my early 30s, many of my friends are beginning their journeys into motherhood. Two of my closest friends had babies within a year of mine, and it’s been wonderful to share this experience with them. No need for introductions — I already know they’re fantastic individuals, and now we just infuse parenting topics into our chats. These are ‘moms who are friends.’
Having friends who understand that movie nights now kick off only after the baby is asleep is invaluable. They send out invites that read “kids welcome :)” Our little ones are not an inconvenience, as they’re going through the same adjustments, and together, we navigate this new world. ‘Moms who are friends’ have essentially taken up the same hobby as I have, and we are enjoying it together. How sweet is that?
However, I’ve also stumbled upon a whole new realm of ‘mom connections’ — individuals I might not have engaged with otherwise, but our shared experience of having newborns brings us together. They’re wonderful women, no doubt, but I often find that while I can recount little Liam’s favorite bedtime story and how the new napping schedule is shaping up, I know very little about his mother, the person I’ve been chatting with for months. She’s primarily just another mom, and our common ground is mainly through our children. She is a ‘mom connection.’
The line between these two categories is not rigid. Several of my ‘moms who are friends’ began as mere acquaintances at breastfeeding gatherings. Now, I see their unique personalities shine through their social media updates and the articles they share. I inquire about their careers, partners, and lives. They have transformed into complete individuals in my eyes.
I anticipate that my circle of ‘mom connections’ will likely expand once my child grows old enough to make friends of her own (I hear birthday parties are a whole new adventure for parents). I’ll need to brush up on my small talk and keep in mind which topics to steer clear of. Eventually, supervised playdates will evolve into my daughter forging her own friendships, and ‘mom connections’ will shift into casual mentions of “Emily’s mom.”
For now, I find myself in the unique position of discussing nipple creams and baby bowel movements with women I just met. This unusual familiarity among ‘mom connections’ develops surprisingly quickly. We are all eager for adult interaction and reassurance that our lives and children are ‘normal,’ so we cling to each other, searching for shared experiences and validation. While these situational friendships might be less profound than my longstanding ones, they are equally essential.
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Summary:
Navigating friendships as a new mother brings about two distinct types of connections: ‘moms who are friends’ and ‘mom connections.’ The former are close friends with whom you share parenting experiences, while the latter are acquaintances brought together by the shared journey of motherhood. Both relationships, despite their differences, provide essential support and connection during a transformative time.