I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve heard a dad say he was “babysitting” his own child. “Last Saturday, I was babysitting Max and Lily so my partner could finally take a shower.” Or I’ll hear someone else refer to a father caring for his own kids as a babysitter. But that’s simply not accurate. If you are the father or legal guardian of a child, you are not babysitting.
According to Merriam-Webster, babysitting means “to take care of a child while the child’s parents are away.” Therefore, it’s impossible to babysit your own child. The time a father spends with his kids—whether it’s serving meals, changing diapers, building Lego towers, or explaining why licking strangers is a bad idea—is actually parenting.
You might think it’s just a matter of words, but language matters. The way we use terms affects how we think and remember. When a dad claims he’s babysitting, he diminishes the significance of his role and the long-term responsibilities that come with being a parent. Bringing a child into your life, whether through birth or adoption, carries a commitment that lasts until they reach adulthood.
Babysitting is a temporary arrangement—an hour, a night, or even a weekend. Parenting, on the other hand, is a lifelong journey that begins the moment the child enters your life and continues until your last breath. It’s like a lifelong promise sealed with a spit-shake.
Labeling dads as merely stand-ins for mothers sends a harmful message. For women, it implies that they should be the primary caregivers, while men are just temporary substitutes who may not be capable of managing things on their own. This stereotype suggests that leaving a child with their father is akin to leaving them with matches and a bucket of gasoline. It also perpetuates the idea that the harder aspects of child-rearing—like midnight diaper changes and dealing with illnesses—are solely the domain of mothers, not fathers.
On the flip side, dads receive the message that despite their competence in other areas, they’re not truly capable of parenting independently. They often feel pressured during solo parenting stints, fearing they’ll end up with a chaotic house that looks like a scene from a wild party. It can feel as if they are allowed to let the household fall apart because it’s not considered their responsibility.
This mindset shortchanges everyone involved. Men are not inept or incapable of parenting. Women have lives beyond being moms. Most importantly, kids are not mere tasks to be checked off a to-do list.
Referring to parenting as babysitting casts a negative light on the experience, often in front of the children. “Stuck babysitting tonight, huh? And you won’t even get paid for it!” That’s an actual line I overheard at the grocery store. In his defense, the dad looked just as shocked as I felt.
If given the chance and the expectation to engage actively, most fathers would dive into all aspects of parenting with enthusiasm. So let’s retire the term babysitting and embrace the role of Dad fully.
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In summary, it’s essential to recognize that dads are not babysitters; they are parents, fully engaged in the lives of their children. By changing our language and perceptions, we can foster a more equitable view of parenting that benefits everyone.