A few weeks ago, I found myself recounting one of my daughter’s particularly intense meltdowns to my therapist. With a gentle expression, she advised me, “Focus on compassion during her outbursts.” At that moment, I was taken aback, wondering if she truly understood the situation. My daughter has autism, and there are days when simply surviving her meltdowns takes every ounce of strength I have. These episodes are not just typical tantrums; they are full-blown crises that often leave me feeling drained. While she requires comfort after the storm has passed, it’s often a challenge to remain calm when she’s screaming, kicking, or even biting.
Questioning Detachment
Initially, I thought detaching from her emotional chaos was the key to maintaining my composure during these episodes. But as I reflected on my therapist’s words, I began to question whether this detachment was truly the best approach. Shouldn’t I be focusing on compassion, even when I’m overwhelmed? However, I soon realized that there are moments when simply surviving a situation is more important than feeling compassion.
Conclusions from Experience
After much thought, I’ve reached a few conclusions:
- Therapists without children may not always offer the best parenting advice.
- Those without experience raising a child on the autism spectrum might not fully grasp the complexities involved in such situations.
- It’s okay to acknowledge that there are times when compassion feels out of reach.
While the idea of focusing on compassion is noble, there are moments when it’s simply impractical, especially when you’re using all your internal resources to cope. It’s vital to recognize and process your own feelings, too. If I can acknowledge my frustrations and sadness, I can let them go, which enables me to be a more effective and happier parent.
Acting with Compassion
I genuinely appreciate compassion and try to incorporate it into my parenting. However, I’ve learned that it’s possible to act compassionately without always feeling it. During my daughter’s meltdowns, I can demonstrate compassion by remaining calm, detaching from the emotional storm, and then warmly welcoming her back into a peaceful space once it’s over. What truly matters is my behavior in those moments, and that’s a lesson I hope to impart to my children.
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Conclusion
In summary, it’s okay to acknowledge that compassion can sometimes be hard to feel, especially in challenging parenting moments. Balancing our own emotions with the needs of our children is crucial for effective parenting.