Recently, we took our 14-year-old daughter, Mia, on a week-long trip to the serene North Shore of Oahu. For some parents, the idea of spending an entire week with a teenage girl might induce panic, but we genuinely enjoy Mia’s company. She’s typically respectful, avoids tantrums, and her eye-rolling is minimal.
Having just returned from a week on the Big Island, where we relaxed and soaked up the sun, we were eager to introduce Mia to the laid-back charm of the North Shore. However, despite our enthusiasm, Mia seemed anxious and out of place. She expressed worries about sun exposure (that’s my responsibility) and seemed unable to fully immerse herself in the moment. This was concerning to me, as I remembered my own teenage years as a time filled with carefree enjoyment.
Mia appeared distracted, not by the beautiful surroundings, but by a mental checklist of concerns about school, high school applications, and upcoming exams. I reminded her that those worries would still be there when we returned, but she shook her head, seemingly unable to let go.
During a walk along the beach in Haleiwa, where magnificent Hawaiian Sea Turtles bask in the sun, Mia glanced at the turtles but quickly turned back to the condo. The next day at Sunset Beach was no different; she fretted about the waves (which were actually mild) and complained about the sand being too hot. Despite our attempts to engage her, she remained wrapped up in her worries.
The turning point came at Waimea Bay. In the summer, this beach transforms from a surfers’ paradise to a family-friendly wonderland filled with turtles, great snorkeling, and even playful dolphins. One of the main attractions is a towering lava rock, about 30 feet high, where many brave visitors leap into the water below. Mia had expressed disinterest in it, claiming it wasn’t her style, yet she found herself drawn to it, watching others take the plunge.
Finally, with a burst of courage, she announced to her dad, “I’m going to jump off that rock!” After climbing up, she hesitated for a moment, then jumped. Upon landing, she described the experience as akin to “landing on a bidet on the highest setting.” Thankfully, she emerged unscathed and her mood instantly brightened. Cheers to the Waimea Bay rock for giving her the jolt she needed!
I hope that by witnessing her parents enjoying the beach, snorkeling, and appreciating the turtles, Mia can rediscover the art of relaxation. During much of our trip, she seemed more like a stressed-out executive than a carefree teenager. While not every moment can offer a thrill like jumping off a rock, I believe the most crucial lesson I can impart to her is the importance of playfulness. It’s clear that I have my work cut out for me.
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In summary, teaching a 14-year-old girl to play can be challenging, especially when she’s bogged down by worries. However, through experiences that encourage her to step out of her comfort zone, like jumping off a rock, she may learn to embrace the joy of simply being present.