The 8 Types of Seasoned Parents Every New Parent Encounters

Embarking on the journey of parenthood can be daunting, especially when you realize you have little knowledge about it. Seeking guidance from experienced parents is a natural step—these individuals have navigated the newborn phase and can offer insights on everything from breastfeeding to setting up a co-sleeper. However, not all veteran parents provide the support you might hope for. Here’s a humorous look at the eight types of seasoned parents you’re likely to meet.

1. The Baby Whisperer

Often a grandparent, this type claims to have a special connection with your baby, insisting they can decipher the infant’s needs. Just as the Baby Whisperer starts to tire of holding the baby, they’ll inform you that your little one wants to be held, fed, or changed. If you don’t respond quickly, watch out—this parent may switch tactics and become the Ventriloquist Parent.

2. The Ventriloquist Parent

This parent loves to use baby talk, adopting the persona of your child. When your baby cries—despite having just been fed—the Ventriloquist will hold them out and say, “I’m hungwy!” It’s tricky to get upset because it feels like you’re reprimanding your baby. Brilliant move, Ventriloquist Parent, you’ve put us in a bind.

3. The Hazing Parent

This often male parent takes joy in making new parents feel overwhelmed. When you share your fatigue from pregnancy, he’ll respond, “Just wait until the baby arrives!” And once your newborn is here, stories of sleepless nights abound—like how his daughter didn’t sleep through the night until she was 14. The Hazing Parent’s humor certainly leans towards the cruel side.

4. The Forgetful Parent

Usually a friend or relative with older children, this parent is eager to help but seems to have completely forgotten how to care for a newborn. They cradle your baby awkwardly, and when they start to rock them, they suddenly recall, “Oh right, I remember this!” It’s a funny but frustrating moment.

5. The “In My Day” Parent

Often from an older generation, this type tends to dismiss new parenting methods and safety advancements. They’ll regale you with tales of how they raised their kids without car seats, completely overlooking the dangers. Their comments about sunscreen and “a little sun exposure” can be quite unnerving for modern parents.

6. The Sneaky Snack Parent

This one is a mystery. After visiting the Sneaky Snack Parent, your child returns looking less than healthy and refuses dinner. When you probe about what they ate, you get a garbled description of some wild dessert combo, followed by an unfortunate mess on your shoes. When confronted, they’ll revert to the Baby Whisperer, claiming your child needed a treat.

7. The Overly Cautious Parent

Typically a stranger, this person feels compelled to share their worries about your child’s safety. They’ll point out every potential hazard, claiming concern for your little one, while subtly suggesting you’re not keeping a close eye on your child. Their warnings can be more annoying than helpful.

8. The Godsend Parent

By far the most appreciated, this parent shows up with a warm meal, takes care of the dishes, and even offers to watch the baby while you catch up on rest. They listen as you vent about the challenges of new parenthood, providing comfort and support—truly a lifesaver.

Ideally, new parents will have brief encounters with the first seven types while forming a lasting bond with the Godsend Parent. After all, someone has to help with assembling that co-sleeper.

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Summary

This article humorously outlines the various types of seasoned parents that new parents often encounter, from the helpful Godsend Parent to the less-than-supportive Ventriloquist and Hazing Parents. Emphasizing the importance of finding supportive relationships, it encourages new parents to seek connections that offer genuine assistance.