I hate to break it to everyone, but not only have the summer clothing racks been stripped bare (it’s still July, folks), but the dreaded cowl neck is making a comeback. I know, I know—you’re as disheartened as I am that this fashion faux pas is rearing its ugly head once more. A few years ago, cowl necks seemed to be making a brief return, but thankfully, that was short-lived. I thought we’d finally said goodbye to this troublesome neckline, but now it appears we’re inundated with them again. A cowl conspiracy, if you will.
Now, I understand that not all cowls are the same, and it might be unfair to lump them all together. Designers would have us believe there’s a cowl out there for every woman. The wide, bulky cowl of a chunky knit is quite different from the softer, more casual cowl found in finer fabrics. But honestly, I’ve yet to encounter a cowl that I can get behind. I just can’t. Never.
As fashion-savvy women, we must unite to resist the cowl industry and eradicate this fashion disaster from our collective consciousness. I mean, who really thought women of all ages, sizes, and shapes would look good in a cowl? Did designers like Calvin or Ralph ever think, “Hey, cowls are great for monks; why not for everyone else?”
My disdain for cowl necks began in my teenage years—a time when girls are experimenting with identity and figuring out how they want the world to perceive them. I quickly decided that I didn’t want to be seen in a cowl neck, not now, not ever. When friends would seek my opinion after squeezing into their outfits before a football game, I’d stuff a cookie in my mouth, pretending I was too busy to comment, all to avoid looking like a cowl sympathizer.
You must understand, I was flat-chested in high school (still am, by the way), and cowl necks were everywhere in 1983. Every rack at stores like Foxmoor and Lerner screamed “Cowl!” I couldn’t see the appeal. There were cowl neck shirts, dresses, and especially sweaters—many of which were pastel, angora creations. (Don’t even get me started on angora!) Whenever I tried one on, the drape never looked right. Plus, I wanted to see my toes when I looked down, am I right?
Mostly, I felt like I was suffocating in cowl necks and turtlenecks, which back then frequently zipped up at the back of the neck, making it even harder to breathe. You know the ones I mean—the ones with snaps in the crotch? Oh, yes! Now you remember. I felt trapped, and the lack of options in stores only added to my frustration, forcing me into this cowl nightmare. Going without a top would have been liberating, but I was far too concerned with what others thought. Showing my small figure to the world would have been social suicide. Back then, there were no online shopping havens like Zappos or Shopbop to escape the cookie-cutter mall options. I was stuck in cowls.
My own mother, a known cowl neck enthusiast, plotted against my boycott of them. She looked fantastic in a cowl, so she assumed that I, her mini-me, would too. She bought me cowl neck sweaters constantly, and I vaguely recall her using gentle persuasion to get me to wear one for a fancy dinner out.
It’s not that I don’t think cowl necks look good on others; they do. My mom pulled them off beautifully. I remember Loni Anderson rocking a cowl neck, and Valerie Bertinelli looked stunning in hers on One Day at a Time. Maybe it all comes down to this: one must have the right figure or styling to pull off a cowl. How many of us really fit that mold?
In moments of self-doubt, I wonder if I’m being too harsh on the cowl. Maybe I’m the one not doing it justice? Perhaps I just lack the skill to style the extra fabric elegantly draped over my small frame. But let’s be real—I refuse to accept this as a personal flaw.
I recognize there are many other necklines that suit me well. Halters and strapless styles are my friends. I’m certainly not as limited as I was 30 years ago. Nowadays, we have access to a wide variety of necklines—at least I thought so. Yet, the abundance of cowl necks in local stores suggests something more sinister is at play. The other day at Marshalls, every sweater was a cowl. Is New Hampshire the epicenter of cowl necks, or is this a nationwide issue?
Ladies, we can stop this madness. I can’t return to the days of cowl dominance. Soon, my colleagues will be donning them, and my eighth graders will think cowls are the latest trend from Forever 21. My mom might even dig up her old cowls from the attic.
It’s simply too much to handle!
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In summary, while cowl necks may be making a resurgence, it is time for us to unite against this fashion trend that many of us have long since moved past. Together, we can push back and reclaim our wardrobes from this neckwear nightmare.