Throughout my 15 years of motherhood, the most recurrent piece of unsolicited advice I’ve encountered has been a cautionary, “Just wait.” Friends with tweens and teens would observe me enjoying life with my little ones and advise, “They’re so delightful now, just wait.” Typically, the warning revolved around the universal struggles that I, too, had faced in my youth. “Just wait until they…”
- talk back…
- hide their grades…
- lie…
- slam the door…
- declare you the worst parent ever.
While I dreaded the thought of my children morphing into difficult adolescents, I had once been a handful myself (and my mother-in-law insists my husband was once the reigning “King of Teenage Trouble”), so I reluctantly accepted that this would be a natural progression.
As my children matured and showed no signs of this predicted rebellion, the warnings intensified. Many of the loudest voices came from parents of unruly or disconnected teens. They seemed eager to declare that my happy, well-adjusted kids would soon transform into chaotic versions of themselves: “Just you wait! When they hit middle school, they’ll…”
- sneak out…
- get suspended…
- experiment with drugs…
- face legal trouble…
- insist on wearing inappropriate clothing…
- engage in reckless behavior on the school bus… WHAT. IN. THE. WORLD!?
Part of me understood that these parents might have hoped that normalizing their children’s misbehavior would lessen their own guilt or isolation. However, I felt compassion for those kids. How could vulnerable young people make wise choices when their own parents seemed to expect failure? What sense of self-worth could they possess knowing that their moms and dads were broadcasting their mistakes as cautionary tales across social media?
I refused to accept that a magical age would suddenly convert my child into a monster. I grew weary of the constant warnings to brace for the worst based on the experiences of a select few. We are not all the same, and neither are our children.
For instance, my teenagers have yet to become the stereotypical troublemakers. Stop trying to convince me that some impending catastrophe is looming—and that if it doesn’t occur, there must be something wrong with my child. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard parents say, “I’d prefer my kid be the bully rather than the socially awkward nerd.” One is not the inverse of the other.
Let’s abandon the stereotype that all teenagers must be moody and uncommunicative. Not only are we, as parents, holding our breath for the inevitable rough days, but we are unintentionally instilling these beliefs in our kids. Teens shouldn’t feel abnormal for having a good relationship with their parents, nor should we, as parents, feel it’s strange to connect with our teenagers. Who else are they supposed to confide in if not us?
Please stop telling me that I should abandon the idea of being both a friend and a mother to my child. These roles can coexist beautifully. It is indeed possible to enjoy our children’s company and vice versa.
I no longer live in anticipation of the worst. I strive to be kind, open, and honest with my teens, and so far, they’ve reciprocated. I respect their individuality, offer sound advice, caution them against potential mistakes, and educate them about the consequences of their actions. I genuinely laugh at their jokes and listen attentively to their often convoluted tales about friends, school, and their favorite YouTubers. I keep their secrets and nurture their ambitions.
They’ve been my best friends since day one, and despite any future challenges, I believe our friendship will endure for a lifetime. Just wait and see.
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Summary:
The author reflects on the common parental warnings about teenage behavior, expressing a desire to break the cycle of negativity surrounding parenting teens. By fostering a positive relationship with her children, she challenges the stereotypes of adolescence and emphasizes the importance of communication, respect, and friendship between parents and teens.