But here was Sarah, about 300 miles away from her family, having left her husband and two teenagers for a well-deserved night off. “I’m done being a wife,” she said while we savored our first glass of pinot grigio and the band struck up a lively tune. “I’m exhausted from being a mother. I just need a break!” I completely understood her feelings.
Back when my husband was with us, we often joked that my favorite nights were when he took our daughter out for a “Daddy-Daughter Date Night.” Don’t even get me started on when they had a “Daddy-Daughter Weekend” — those were heavenly! I could make zero plans, crawl into bed without a thought about dinner, whether it was a simple salad or a handful of chocolate chips. It didn’t matter; I was only caring for myself, and that was exactly what I needed. I’d curl up with my favorite reality shows, relishing the freedom of not sharing the remote or the bed. Just me, melted chocolate on my fingers. Pure bliss.
However, after losing my husband, those solitary nights transformed from a luxury into a source of loneliness and anxiety. I often find myself sitting through conversations with others who complain about their spouse being away for a night or two. They feel resentful, burdened with all the household responsibilities, but it’s temporary for them. My situation is permanent. My husband won’t return, which is why I often just listen during those chats.
Sarah was relieved that her husband was taking their kids for a weekend without her. “They all need this time,” she explained. “He should be more involved, and the kids should bond with their dad.” I completely understood where she was coming from.
In my own marriage, we had a clear division of responsibilities: I managed the kids and the household—everything from meals to doctor appointments—while my husband, Mark, took care of the pets and the yard work. Mark was a dedicated father, loving and attentive, yet I often felt like a single mom. It seemed like I was juggling everything while he just walked the dog! How mistaken I was.
I now realize that Mark’s mere presence was invaluable. Sure, I cooked, but he did the dishes. I handled laundry, yet he was the one who folded. When our daughter faced tough days, Mark would be the one to comfort her. And no matter the circumstances, he took her to school every morning and tucked her in at night, even when she was too old for it.
After nearly 20 years together, I learned that marriages have their peaks and valleys. To weather those fluctuations, we knew that love, trust, and respect had to flourish—even in moments of frustration and appreciation. We gave each other the space we needed. If Mark were alive today, I’d likely be the one rallying the “Girls’ Night Out” crowd, and he would support me wholeheartedly.
These days, I don’t crave the same escape, and when I finally have some free time, I’d rather spend it with my new boyfriend, Jake. Our relationship is still fresh, and while I hate to sound pessimistic, I can foresee a time, perhaps far in the future, when I might choose to skip some of his events. Maybe I’ll encourage Jake to spend a night with his son while I catch up on some guilty-pleasure TV. Or perhaps I’ll take a spontaneous road trip with a friend just because she invites me.
It’s hard to envision that now, as we’re both so enchanted with each other. Yet, I understand that successful relationships require space, and loving partners benefit from time apart—just like Sarah poured herself another glass of pinot before heading to the dance floor.
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In summary, it’s completely normal to feel overwhelmed as a wife and mother. Taking a break to recharge is essential, whether that means enjoying a night out or spending time with friends. Recognizing your own needs and finding balance within relationships can lead to greater happiness and fulfillment.