A Heartfelt Note to My Autumn-Obsessed Friends

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Dear Autumn Enthusiasts,

You know who you are. You woke up today buzzing with excitement, sensing the first hint of a chill in the morning air (whether it was there or just in your imagination). “Fall is on its way!” you declared, sharing this revelation with everyone on social media as if they might have missed the magical transition.

Oh, how you adore fall! You rummaged through your closet, dusting off bins of cozy sweaters, envisioning football games, vibrant leaves, the thrill of a new school year, and of course, pumpkin spice lattes. You couldn’t help but share all of these thoughts with the world, tagging them with #PSL because everyone should know your passion for autumn.

But I have to be honest with you, my dear friends. This may be a bit uncomfortable, but here it goes: I’m feeling a bit resentful.

Don’t fret; this is just a temporary feeling. By mid-November, when your vibrant leaves have turned into mushy piles on the ground and your new sweaters are full of fuzz, I’ll be ready to reconnect. But for the next couple of months, I’m struggling with some serious envy toward you and your fellow fall fanatics. And I believe I speak for all of us who bask in warmer climates when I say:

• When you pin images of leather boots and scarves to a Pinterest board labeled “I Love Fall!”, we feel a twinge of sadness. Sure, we might repin them, but we know our boots will remain tucked away until late October, and even then, we’ll be sweating profusely.
• When you post recipes for pumpkin pancakes, pumpkin martinis, pumpkin everything under the sun (seriously, enough with the pumpkin!), we experience a strange mix of frustration and longing, like a pumpkin-apple-cinnamon blintz gone wrong.
• When your Instagram feed is filled with #nofilter photos of fiery maple trees, we want to bang our heads against the steering wheel, which is far too hot to touch.
• When you rave about the scent of homemade applesauce wafting from your Crock-Pot after a delightful day of apple-picking, we’re stuck cranking the A/C while dreading another week of scorching triple-digit temperatures.
• When you dress your kids in matching fall-themed outfits for pumpkin patch photos, we’re slathering ours in SPF 50, wishing we could join in on the fun without melting into a puddle.
• And when you cheer for your favorite team in cozy knit caps while sipping spiked cider, we’re inside, wishing for a cooler breeze and hoping for relief from the heat.
• And yes, when you proudly showcase your very first pumpkin spice latte of the season, our hearts fill with a mix of loathing and longing: the crunching leaves, the scents of cinnamon, and the excitement of crisp mornings. While we might still order our own #PSL just to fit in, we sip it with a heavy heart.

But let’s be honest; it’s not really your fault. I know that one day in March, when I’m posting pictures of my kids joyfully running through sprinklers and sharing stories of sunburns from afternoons spent outdoors, you’ll feel that same sting of jealousy. Until then, though, I guess I’ll just have to keep my grumpiness.

And just so you know, Starbucks doesn’t promote iced pumpkin spice lattes because, let’s face it, they taste like bitter resentment.

Until November rolls around, consider this my love-hate note.

Yours in sunny warmth,

Your friend in the desert

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