As my dear husband stepped through the door and surveyed the scene—me, the kids, and our home—he quickly realized we were not exactly at our best today. With wide eyes and a hint of concern, he asked, “Honey, what happened here? What have you been up to all day?”
Oh, bless him! It’s so thoughtful of him to check in on what chaos has ensued. So, I decided to give him a taste of my day, and here’s what I shared:
You’re spot on, love. Honestly, I’m still trying to grasp the events of the last nine hours since you left for work. Or maybe it’s the last eight years of this wild ride we call parenting that has left me feeling a bit dazed.
Let’s see, where should I begin? Perhaps from the most outrageous incident? Starting from the end of my chaotic day might be easier, as I barely survived the madness, hoping I wouldn’t lose my cool with the kids before you walked in.
While I was busy unclogging the toilet (thanks to our daughter’s impressive toilet paper skills), I caught a strange noise from the playroom. Don’t worry—just another balloon caught in the ceiling fan, repeating the same drama for the seventh time in two days. I’ll try to tackle that once I manage to avoid losing a finger to the kids who think it’s hilarious to turn the fan back on.
As I was preparing lunch—mac and cheese and peanut butter sandwiches—our son decided it was the perfect moment to unleash a new bag of Goldfish, which, to my dismay, exploded everywhere. As I swept up the crumbs, the mac and cheese boiled over, and oh joy, our baby was gnawing on my phone charger on the other side of the kitchen. Thank goodness she didn’t get burned, but maybe chewing on a plugged-in charger isn’t the best idea either.
When I finally got lunch on the table, the kids had a blast tossing my neatly folded sheets and towels all over the floor, which was already a furry mess thanks to our dog. And let’s not forget the lice I had just combed out of the girls’ hair this morning. I was down to just a few loads of laundry, but now I’m back up to eight, not to mention the delightful task of redoing everything I had just washed this week.
Speaking of the girls, this morning I painstakingly picked out a good 50 or 60 nits from their hair. If I get a moment when the baby naps (fingers crossed), I might sneak in a few more during my much-needed “pee break,” which I might not even need since I can just wait until dinnertime to dash to the bathroom while they scarf down their meals like little wolves.
On the food front, I swept the floors three times today, though you wouldn’t know it. I’m sure you’ll love walking across them, given the remnants of crushed Nutri-Grain bars and Cheerios that our baby chose to throw around instead of eat.
I managed to get dressed for the day while the baby was busy with Cheerios, but after picking her up from her high chair, she decided to unleash a delightful diarrhea surprise all over me. Seriously, showers and looking presentable have become a distant memory. I guess I’ll aim for normalcy in about four years!
After barely getting our son off to kindergarten camp (with mere seconds to spare), the girls and I ventured to the store for some essentials. Midway through, I realized one daughter was only in her underwear and the other was sans shoes. Who needs clothes, right? At this point, it seems like an unnecessary expense since they rarely wear what we buy them.
As my day continued, my double vision turned into triple as my headache intensified. No one napped, the dog escaped, and while I tried to free the balloon from the fan, our baby crawled out of her walker and made a daring attempt at climbing the stairs—only to tumble down them. Don’t worry, I iced her little bump, but then the other two children decided to venture outside with shampoo and create a slippery, sudsy mess. Isn’t their creativity just charming?
Despite my culinary disasters, I bravely attempted to cook dinner. I put chicken in the oven, only to have something at the bottom burn, filling the house with smoke and triggering the alarms. The kids screamed, and a concerned neighbor rushed over to check if everything was alright, only to find me in just my bra and underwear. After changing out of the baby’s mess, I figured if the kids were running around without clothes, why should I be any different? Let’s just say our neighbor and I will share an awkward secret from here on out.
So, what did I do today? (Cue the laughter and tears streaming down my face.) Oh, honey, I dare you. Ask me again, just one more time!
In summary, being a mom is a whirlwind of chaos, laughter, and unexpected surprises, all wrapped up in love. If you’re interested in learning more about home insemination, check out this insightful post here. For a comprehensive guide on the subject, visit Make a Mom and for further information on donor insemination, American Pregnancy is an excellent resource.