Just yesterday, I sent a text to my 21-year-old daughter, Emily, who is spending her summer at college, working hard on an internship she secured through her own determination. “I’m so thrilled for you!” I typed, trying to convey my excitement through the screen.
“Why?” she replied, genuinely curious.
Why, indeed. I attempted to articulate my enthusiasm. She stands on the brink of what should be a thrilling chapter in her life. At 21, she’s a college senior, gearing up to graduate in under a year. She’s busy mapping out her future—next week, she’ll be taking the GREs, narrowing down her grad school options, and contemplating cities and careers.
From my vantage point at 47, living a semi-empty-nester life in the suburbs, it all appears glamorous and exhilarating. But I wonder if she feels that way. To her, it could come off as overwhelming—or perhaps even daunting. I often think that the significance of our 20s becomes clearer only when we reach our 40s. Back in my 20s, life didn’t seem particularly exciting or adventurous. I graduated from college and jumped straight into a job I didn’t enjoy, which I left within a year to marry my husband.
During my 20s, I welcomed two children, bought a house, and traded my full-time job for the role of a stay-at-home mom. It was a period full of transformation, yet I didn’t fully appreciate it at the time. I want my daughter to recognize the pivotal moments she’s experiencing. She’s at a crossroads of her own making, with paths that can lead her to travel, work, or further education in any city she desires.
However, she will also encounter stressors. The safety net of college will be gone, and she’ll no longer have financial support from us. She’ll be competing for jobs against numerous qualified candidates, and there will be times when she may not get her first choice. Long work weeks, office politics, and the possibility of unexpected job loss are all realities she’ll face.
She’ll learn that repaying student loans isn’t a walk in the park, and she might find herself driving an old car longer than planned. Romance could bring joy and heartbreak as she navigates relationships before finding her right partner. She may juggle in-laws and obligations, and perhaps she’ll save up for her first home only to discover that a mortgage comes with many unexpected expenses.
Yet, I still want her to embrace the wonderful possibilities ahead: the excitement of graduate school, new cities, career opportunities, and perhaps even lifelong love. The journey to her own home and family, and the friendships she’ll form in her 20s that will last a lifetime. I hope she revels in the joy of making her own decisions, tackling challenges, and cherishing the little moments—a Sunday brunch at her favorite café, a great movie night, or a weekend getaway.
Looking back, I wish I had realized the power of my 20s; how each choice connected to another, and how those decisions—my husband, our first home, our children, my career paths—continue to shape my life even now. I want to tell Emily: Embrace your 20s. Don’t be afraid. Stay aware. And most importantly, have fun!
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In summary, as my daughter embarks on her 20s, I reflect on my own experiences and the significance of that decade. I hope she recognizes the opportunities and challenges that lie ahead, embraces her journey, and enjoys every moment.