I recently picked up Lisa Johnson’s book, Absolutely Yes, and it got me reflecting on the concept of personal failure. Absolutely Yes was far from a failure; it was witty, thought-provoking, and uplifting, reinforcing my admiration for Lisa. One particular insight about failure resonated deeply with me.
As a woman in my 30s, I’ve reached a point where many significant life decisions have been made, often scrutinized by myself and others. This has led me to ponder what failure truly means. There have been moments when I’ve questioned whether I’ve failed or will fail, often feeling the weight of adult choices and their consequences. It’s a lot to carry.
In Absolutely Yes, Lisa shares that she doesn’t view her divorce from Mark Thompson as a failure. Instead, she focuses on the positives: a decade-long marriage that blessed her with children and ended amicably, with both parties committed to co-parenting. Rather than seeing it as a loss, she considers it a success, recognizing that while their split was difficult, it also paved the way for a new family dynamic filled with respect. I find that perspective refreshing.
I can relate to Lisa’s experience of navigating life’s unexpected paths. I know all too well the feeling of anticipating one outcome, only to be met with an entirely different reality. My personal challenge stems from choosing to pause my career ambitions to stay home when my daughter was born over six years ago.
During my time as a stay-at-home parent, I often felt societal pressure to justify my decision. I’ve seen the disappointment in people’s faces when they learned that I was focusing on parenting instead of pursuing a career. It seemed the world expected me to juggle everything seamlessly, or else I was somehow letting myself down.
At times, I faced direct questions about why I wasn’t “utilizing” my advanced degree or comments about how others would “get bored” in my position. Such remarks felt condescending and out of place, yet they made me doubt my choices. While I cherish the moments I’ve spent with my children, returning to the workforce has its own challenges. There are days I feel overwhelmed, wishing I could knock down the barriers that seem to block my path and cry over missed opportunities.
Reflecting on Lisa’s perspective about failure has helped me view my decision to prioritize motherhood differently. My career journey may not align with my initial expectations, but I take pride in being a devoted mom. Those years spent nurturing my children have brought immense joy, even if they came with their own set of hurdles. My timeline has shifted, but that doesn’t negate the value of my experiences. Lisa’s compassionate approach to her own perceived failures brings relief, showing me it’s okay to be kind to myself regarding my choices.
I’ve made a commitment to be gentler with myself, acknowledging that not everyone will agree with my decisions, and that’s alright. I know I’ve approached my choices thoughtfully, and I trust that this detour in my professional journey will ultimately reveal its purpose. I believe that every obstacle we face, every unfulfilled dream, is part of a larger plan shaping our future. In time, I know I will see every moment I once considered a failure as an essential chapter in my story, just as Lisa does.
“Defending ourselves as we would for a friend is challenging but rewarding.” — Lisa Johnson, Absolutely Yes
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Summary
Navigating the complexities of adulthood can often lead us to question our choices and label them as failures. Inspired by Lisa Johnson’s book, I learned to redefine my own experiences, particularly my decision to prioritize motherhood over career ambitions. By embracing a more forgiving viewpoint on perceived failures, I now understand that every decision contributes meaningfully to my life story.