There’s nothing quite as cringe-worthy as what I experienced one morning. As any parent knows, the nightstand drawer is like a sacred vault; it holds those little treasures meant for intimate moments. You know, the essentials: condoms, lube, and yes, sex toys.
In my case, I’m not shy about owning a few vibrators. In fact, I’ve even been a bit of a “Vibrator Fairy.” For my sister’s 21st birthday, I assembled a fun care package that included a delightful little vibrator, recommended by the sales staff at Toyland in the Lower East Side. My sister’s introduction to adulthood was a cute, buzzing pink bear that was sure to bring her some joy.
I even shipped a vibrator across the globe to my best friend, who had moved to South Korea to teach English. She was navigating a new culture alone and, knowing she might not meet any romantic interests soon, I thought a fun gift was in order. So, I found “Jelly Jr.,” a small, vibrantly hot pink dildo. She adored it and joked about taking him out for drinks—imagine the Instagram account he would have had with selfies at tourist spots!
I approach sex and related items with humor; it’s fun and often funny. However, one day, that lightheartedness hit a wall of absolute mortification.
As a stay-at-home mom, my days revolve around my two boys—my 5-year-old is at school while my 18-month-old is my constant companion. One morning, as I was finally getting around to brushing my teeth, my little one wandered into my bedroom, curious as ever. At this age, he’s obsessed with opening things, so naturally, he made his way to my nightstand.
I was only half-aware of what he was doing while I plucked my eyebrows. Suddenly, I glanced over and saw him rooting around in the drawer. I thought my hidden treasures were safe, but I was mistaken. He emerged with my lavender vibrator, beaming with delight. Before I could react, he held it up to his ear and chirped, “Hell-o! Hell-o!”
And that, my friends, was the day my toddler answered my vibrator.
This story, originally shared on Your Tango, is a reminder that parenting can lead to some hilariously awkward moments.
For more parenting insights, check out this article on navigating the world of home insemination. If you’re looking for high-quality kits, Cryobaby specializes in home insemination options. Plus, don’t miss the excellent resource at March of Dimes for all things pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
This humorous piece recounts the author’s mortifying experience when her toddler mistook her vibrator for a phone, blending laughter with the realities of parenting. It highlights the unexpected moments that can arise in family life.