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The Uncomfortable Inquiry: Why Not Just Adopt?
As in vitro fertilization (IVF) gains more media attention, particularly in popular culture, I often hear unseasoned individuals pose the question, “Why go through fertility treatments? Why not just adopt?”
Every couple facing infertility inevitably encounters unsolicited opinions and advice from well-meaning friends and family. Trust me, during my own journey with my partner, I lost track of how many times people suggested, as if it were a one-size-fits-all solution: “Why not just adopt?”
Let me clarify: Adoption is a beautiful option and can be a fulfilling pathway to parenthood for many. But it’s time to stop offering this suggestion to couples grappling with infertility! Here’s why:
- It’s Not Your Decision to Make! Are you financing the journey? Are you involved in the process? Are you the one raising the child? No? Then your opinion about my reproductive choices is irrelevant. It’s simply none of your business!
- Numerous Paths to Parenthood Exist! Infertility doesn’t mean the end of the road. Couples can explore intrauterine insemination (IUI), IVF, surrogacy, or even using donor eggs or sperm. Just because someone is diagnosed with infertility doesn’t mean they are out of options.
- Adoption Isn’t a Walk in the Park! Contrary to popular belief, adoption can be just as challenging. It’s often expensive, lengthy, and fraught with emotional stress. The average cost for domestic adoption through an agency ranges from $20,000 to $40,000. The waiting period can also be extensive, averaging 14 months for older children and longer for infants. And let’s not forget the heartache when placements fall through.
- There’s No Harm in Exploring Options! Why not try IUI or IVF first if you have the means? Pursuing fertility treatments doesn’t negate the option to adopt in the future. Every couple should have the freedom to decide what’s best for them without outside pressure.
- Adoption Won’t Heal Infertility Grief! While adopted children can bring joy, they don’t erase the pain of infertility. The emotional scars remain, and every journey is unique.
- Adoption Isn’t Exclusive to Infertile Couples! No one suggests adoption to families who are able to conceive easily. It’s perfectly normal to want to experience pregnancy and childbirth. Pursuing fertility treatments doesn’t make someone selfish.
- Adoption May Not Be Desired! While many find joy in adoption, not everyone feels that way. It’s a personal decision, and respect is crucial.
- Infertility Isn’t Punishment! Comments like “Maybe you’re not meant to have kids” or “This is God’s way of saying you should adopt” are not only insensitive but also hurtful. Those experiencing infertility need compassion, not judgment. A simple, “I’m sorry you’re going through this,” is often all that’s required.
- Hold Off on Judgments! It’s easy to form opinions without having walked in someone else’s shoes. Until you’ve faced a similar situation, your perspective may be limited.
- Reaching a Conclusion is Challenging! Trust that individuals will make the best decisions for themselves, guided by their healthcare professionals and personal circumstances.
After much consideration, my partner and I chose to pursue treatments first. It was a tough journey filled with research and discussions with specialists. Ultimately, we welcomed our daughter into the world in January 2011.
Our decision faced some criticism, but we remained steadfast. Science can be a blessing in the quest for parenthood. While I have aspirations to explore foster parenting in the future, we’ve never regretted our choice. Each family’s journey is distinct, and love is what ultimately creates a family.
If you’re navigating similar decisions, listen to your heart. And for those not in this situation, kindness and understanding go a long way.
For further insights about fertility and home insemination, check out this excellent resource on fertility. And if you’re interested in exploring at-home options, consider visiting Make a Mom for reliable information.
Summary
Navigating the world of infertility and the decision to adopt is complex. It’s essential to recognize that every couple’s journey is unique, filled with challenges and choices. Offering unsolicited advice can be hurtful; instead, empathy and support are what those facing these hurdles truly need.