In our early 30s, both me and my friend Jake were nontraditional students who decided it was finally time to wrap up our degrees after years of living the wild life. I was in the final stretch of my college journey when I first met Jake in class.
We hit it off right away, sharing casual chats before lectures and enjoying a smoke after class. I opened up about my daughter and my decision to part ways with her father, while Jake shared his adventures in work and travel. We even indulged in a drink or two between classes. Looking back, it’s almost comical that it took me two months to realize Jake was gay. The irony was palpable; here I was, forging a fantastic connection with someone who wasn’t available in that traditional sense. It felt like something straight out of a sitcom.
I graduated a semester ahead of Jake, but we made it a point to catch up regularly. Before long, we were inseparable. He became my go-to date for weddings, my confidant, and a significant part of my emotional support network. We studied together for standardized tests, and my family—including my daughter—embraced him wholeheartedly. One day, someone jokingly asked, “Where’s your gay husband?” and from that moment on, we affectionately referred to each other as “gay husband” and “straight wife.”
A year later, I relocated 1,500 miles away with my daughter to pursue a master’s degree. Despite the distance, we maintained our connection, always making time for each other during my visits. After earning my master’s, I returned to the Midwest for a Ph.D. program, about eight hours from where Jake lived. We continued to be a constant presence in each other’s lives, sharing laughter and support just like an old married couple—complete with joking about my outfits and him being chronically late for dinner.
Over the years, Jake has been my sounding board during tough times, a loving male role model for my daughter, and a friend to my family. His generosity knows no bounds; he lent me money for a bedroom set for my daughter when her father wouldn’t help, and later forgave the debt as a birthday gift to me. He takes me out for dinner, surprises me with thoughtful presents, and is always there to help me navigate life’s big decisions. He even calls me out when I’m being a bit difficult. Jake embodies everything I hope to find in a partner, minus the romantic involvement.
Initially, I believed in the stereotype that every woman has a gay best friend who essentially fills the role of an extra girlfriend. While I’ve had friendships like that in the past, I’ve come to realize that male and female friendships serve different purposes as I’ve grown older. I can discuss parenting with both, but I save the more personal topics for my girlfriends.
My bond with Jake has taught me that a gay male friend occupies a unique space in my life. There’s no physical chemistry, which allows me to fully embrace his emotional and financial support without any complications. His intelligence, humor, empathy, and kindness are qualities I hope to find in a partner someday. For now, however, having an amazing gay best friend and a good vibrator might be the perfect combination.
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In summary, having a gay best friend can enrich your life in ways you might not expect, offering support, laughter, and a unique bond that transcends typical friendship dynamics.