Mysterious Sayings Parents Use

self insemination kit

Published on Sep. 15, 2015

“Brilliant minds, kid.” I find myself saying this quite a bit to my children whenever we share a similar thought. “Brilliant minds!” I might also drop, “If I had a dollar…” before trailing off. On days when I’m feeling particularly antiquated, I’ll say, “If I had a nickel…” but I suspect my kids don’t realize that those shiny coins they toss around at home actually have value. They seem far more impressed with crinkled bills, so I steer clear of coin references.

I never finish these sayings, fully aware of what I mean. But do my kids grasp it? They probably don’t. Will they someday analyze these half-sentences in university discussions, trying to uncover their significance? “Brilliant minds… are superior to average minds? Brilliant minds… reside within complete skulls? WHAT COULD POSSIBLY COMPLETE THAT WISE PHRASE?” Of course, they won’t; they have Google. So, really, I’m teaching them that their mom is a puzzling enigma while they can just consult the omniscient Internet instead.

Truth be told, I don’t use these phrases for their benefit. They’re more for my own amusement. Like many adults, I’ve developed verbal habits to replace thoughtful replies. Phrases like “Kool and the Gang” when I mean to say “yes, that’s great,” or “Ground Control to Major Tom” when I want to say “focus.” And when I tell them to “chill, biscuit,” I’m really just saying “stop freaking out.”

I might as well be speaking a different language. Kool and the Gang? Celebrate good times – music my kids will only hear at weddings!

Another favorite of mine is, “It’s your funeral.” I like to paint vivid pictures when evaluating their choices. They need to understand that choosing not to wear a jacket could lead to serious consequences. “You don’t need a coat to the bus stop, kid. It’s your funeral.”

Kids often drop slang to connect with their peers and keep their parents guessing, so it’s no surprise that parents adopt expressions that serve the same purpose: to confuse and distance their children. I’ve still been grappling with “gotta see a man about a horse” since my dad first said it to me ages ago. Maybe he was looking for a playful way to talk about using the restroom, or maybe he just wanted to be quirky.

I enjoy speaking in riddles around my kids. It’s one of the few perks of parenting, much like our tendency to say “maybe” or “we’ll see.” Or is it that adults want kids to believe we know everything? Children expect us to provide wisdom, guidance, and assistance with tricky food packaging. They don’t realize that sometimes, we struggle with the jelly jar, too. But saying, “this thing is tighter than a duck’s rear end, and that’s waterproof!” surely impresses them with my knowledge on duck anatomy.

When I think about the burdens of adulthood and parenthood—like managing taxes or remembering to register little ones for peewee soccer—it seems overwhelming. We recently bit into half a moldy sandwich before realizing our oversight. If we can’t manage bread, what hope do we have for effective parenting? Maybe by wrapping our advice in cryptic phrases, we maintain the illusion that we have everything under control, wise as we are with our words. Eventually, our kids will become adults as well, and they’ll come to realize we’re just winging it, too.

For more insights on parenting and related topics, check out this post about home insemination. If you’re looking for authoritative resources, Make A Mom has excellent kits for home insemination, and American Pregnancy provides valuable information on pregnancy and donor insemination.

In summary, the whimsical expressions we parents use not only entertain us but also create a barrier between us and our children. While we aim to sound wise and knowledgeable, we often find ourselves as puzzled as they are, navigating the complexities of parenting together.