The moment has arrived for me to embrace an important realization: I will never be the “cool mom,” and I’m perfectly fine with that.
Take a moment to journey back to your teenage years. Recall those cringe-worthy moments when your mom did something so “mom-like” that it left you mortified. You might have even told yourself in that naive teenage mindset, “When I become a mom, I’ll never embarrass my kids like that!” We’ve all been there, right? And then we become parents ourselves, only to find out we’re the ones causing the embarrassment.
I have no desire to be my daughter’s “#bestie.” It’s not on my list of life goals, and I feel strongly about this stance. Growing up, my mother was not my best friend. I didn’t come home to excitedly share details about my first kiss at 15—thankfully! What mother would want to hear about her teenage daughter’s romantic escapades with some lanky boy? I can only imagine my own reaction: “WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!? NEVER DO THAT AGAIN, YOU’LL GET MOUTH DISEASES!” Not quite the response she’d hope for, right? Good thing I’ve got a few years to fine-tune my reactions.
In my friend group, I was the last to experience my first kiss, a true late bloomer. Now that I’m a mother, I find 15 to be far too young. Teachers I know have shared alarming stories of sixth graders engaging in intimate activities that no parent wants to think about. Twelve-year-olds! This thought genuinely turns my stomach.
It also makes me want to invest in a blowtorch for whenever those 12-year-old boys come around. “Hey, Berkley, want to ride bikes?” “BACK OFF, JIMMY! Or you’ll regret it.” I’m sure my husband would support this purchase wholeheartedly.
At 12, I was blissfully unaware of such topics. Today’s kids are exposed to an overwhelming amount of inappropriate content at an astonishingly young age, which is heartbreaking. This is precisely why I can’t bring myself to claim, “I’m a cool mom!” like Amy Poehler’s character in “Mean Girls.”
I cannot be that laid-back mom. If I find an inappropriate text in my daughter’s phone, you can bet I’ll be checking her messages regularly. There’s no way I’ll allow her to have her boyfriend over alone with the door shut, pretending I’m oblivious to the situation. And underage drinking? Not in my house, even if they’re “safe” at home. I refuse to let my daughter stay overnight at her boyfriend’s house, even if he’s a model citizen with perfect grades and spends his weekends volunteering. And no, she will not dress like a character from “Moulin Rouge”—no one needs to see that.
Now, do I sound like a “Hover Mom”? For those unfamiliar, Urban Dictionary defines a “Hover Mom” as an excessively cautious parent who thinks their child is in constant danger and can’t bear to be apart from them. I get it; they often face ridicule.
Let’s be clear: I don’t think my children are in danger all the time, and when a trustworthy babysitter is available, I’m out for a date night! However, the stigma against moms who set firm rules or stay close to their kids is frustrating. I’m proud to be a bit of a hoverer. Isn’t it our job as parents to keep an eye on things?
Of course, there’s a balance. I’m not saying my kids will have zero privacy or that I won’t trust them as they mature. Kids need room to grow, make choices, and yes, even mess up occasionally. These experiences will teach them valuable lessons. My aim isn’t for my daughter to resent me; I want her to respect and love me, just as I will guide her through the challenges of growing up.
Ultimately, I hope that one day, when the time is right, I can be one of my daughter’s closest friends—just like my own mother became mine after I got married. She has never stopped being my mom, but she’s also become one of my best friends. The security of being able to talk to her about anything is a treasure every woman should experience.
But for now, while my daughter is still young and innocent, I am not her best friend. I am her mother.
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In summary, I embrace the role of being a protective mother rather than a best friend. My goal is to guide my daughter through childhood while maintaining a loving and respectful relationship that may evolve into friendship in the future.