I never thought I’d become a rigid parent. Before having kids, I was known for my laid-back and adaptable nature. I could easily go with the flow, whether it was traveling spontaneously or navigating life’s unpredictable moments. But since embracing motherhood, I’ve transformed into someone who thrives on structure.
When my first child was just two weeks old, we stumbled upon a book promoting a strict schedule for infants. Sleep-deprived and desperate for a solution, I was ready to embrace any method that promised a restful night. I would have agreed to almost anything if it meant catching some Z’s!
Truth be told, our adherence to the schedule was more of a guideline than a strict regimen. For instance, our son would wake at 6:15 a.m. instead of the planned 7:00 a.m. That little shift meant a morning nap adjustment—8:15 a.m. became 8:25 a.m., and we scrambled to recover those lost minutes throughout the day, all to maintain a 7:00 p.m. bedtime. Looking back, it was quite amusing and borderline absurd; we struggled to keep him awake when he was tired and vice versa. Yet, we persevered daily, turning The Schedule into our primary conversation starter. As my sister-in-law, a pediatrician, pointed out, “These plans essentially give parents something to do while their kids naturally develop their sleep patterns.” Our son was a great sleeper from the start, possibly due to his easygoing nature or the book’s influence, and we credited The Schedule for his success.
Embracing this approach led us to unwavering routines for naptime and bedtime. I grew more relaxed about minor time deviations, but I remained steadfast about ensuring both my boys napped in their cribs at home. I avoided scheduling activities during their nap times, and any unavoidable conflicts required arranging for a sitter. Bedtime routines were non-negotiable—a 7:00 p.m. bedtime was a must, with little wiggle room.
Our travel plans also reflect my structured parenting style. With two children who are prone to car sickness, we find ourselves weighing the joys of a trip against the potential for chaos, including hours of cleaning car seats. The prospect of staying in a hotel where none of us sleep well doesn’t help. Our youngest has a tendency to wake the entire household with a singular, piercing scream in the wee hours, leaving us all on edge. More often than not, we opt to skip the trip altogether.
This decision sometimes draws criticism from family and friends. We decline evening party invitations, as they disrupt our dinner-bath-bed schedule. We plan travel around naps, even if it means missing out or arriving late. Although we have family eager to spend time with us, we take infrequent trips. When we do travel, it’s usually for extended periods, allowing us to recreate our home routine wherever we go—essentially establishing a second home to avoid disruptions.
I admit, it’s a bit disheartening to realize how unadventurous I’ve become. I used to revel in spontaneous getaways and impromptu adventures. However, I’ve made a conscious choice for now: prioritizing well-rested children and a structured routine. Spontaneity and adventure are on hold for the time being. Yet, my good friend, who has older kids, assures me that flexibility is just around the corner. “Travel becomes easier once they’re past the nap-stroller-diaper stage,” she reminds me. “You’ll be able to make last-minute plans without feeling like you’re maneuvering a massive truck on a narrow road.”
I’m holding onto that hope—the day when I can be less rigid and rediscover my adventurous spirit. Paris with a 5-year-old and an 8-year-old? Absolutely, especially if I can snag a last-minute deal.