Dear Moms of More Than One,
Let me start by saying I’m sorry. I’m waving my white flag and admitting defeat. If you want to say, “I told you so,” feel free—I’ve earned it.
Before I welcomed my second child, I was still getting a decent amount of sleep, managing to keep up with personal hygiene, and enjoying meals with some regularity. I was proud to think that I had mastered the balance of new motherhood without losing much of my old life. Then I had my second baby, and everything changed. The reality behind those funny memes about moms who rely on coffee and sneak chocolate in the bathroom suddenly hit home.
Now, I truly understand.
I now see why the television is on all the time, even though I once promised to never let it babysit my kids. I understand why the allure of 23 minutes of slightly calmer children outweighs the guilt of filling their heads with cartoons. I get how the once-cherished practice of freezing homemade, organic purees for my first child shifts to grabbing jars of Gerber for the second. I know how preparing a gourmet lunch transforms into slapping peanut butter on a slice of bread, an act of sheer survival rather than creativity.
I’ve noticed how one of my kids might resemble that dirty kid in class—the one with the crusty milk above their lip, overlooked while I rush two kids into daycare. I understand how the best-laid routines can go haywire; baths are skipped, teeth left unbrushed, and bedtime stories hastily turned pages. I see how my spouse and I collapse on the couch after finally getting the kids to bed, exchanging bewildered looks, wondering where the evening went.
I can relate to giving in during a temper tantrum, handing over a snack for a moment of peace, and using my phone as a distraction during a pediatrician visit. I swore I’d never be that parent—yet here I am. I understand how it sometimes feels like all my hard work merely pays for daycare or that shopping at Target becomes a second job. The financial strain that felt manageable with one child now seems daunting with two. And yes, kids eat every day—who knew?
I see how makeup is neglected, cute outfits remain in the closet, and my unread novel languishes on my nightstand, forever at page 18. I’ve realized that I no longer recognize any songs on the radio, and my only news updates come from Facebook, often showcasing someone’s brunch instead of significant events.
I fully grasp why you’re always late, despite your best intentions. Leaving the house can feel like a mountain to climb, especially when you spend so much time packing snacks, hunting for lost shoes, and nursing a baby who suddenly needs to eat right after being buckled in the car. It often seems easier to just stay home.
I understand how patience wears thin, tempers flare more quickly, and some days feel like a survival game rather than a joyful experience. Despite the overwhelming love you have for your children, there are moments when it feels like you’re just getting through motherhood instead of relishing it.
But here’s what I also know: Despite the doubts about loving another baby as fiercely as your first, your heart magically expands to encompass all your children the moment they arrive. The love you feel for each child is unique, yet equally powerful. Even on days when it feels like you’re navigating with blindfolds and tied hands, you will find that there’s no greater joy than this whirlwind of parenting. Having more kids isn’t the end of your old life; it’s the beginning of a new, beautiful journey.
Warmly,
A Mom of Two Who Finally Understands
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